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How do you plan to fund any remaining tuition fees and your living expenses.


adriennelin 11 / 30  
Jun 21, 2011   #1
How do you plan to fund any remaining tuition fees and your living expenses. Will you have sufficient funding for your studies and living costs if you are not successful in your scholarship application? Answer in no more than 300 words.

As the eldest child in my family, I have learned to take responsibility for myself and my two little sisters. The decision of studying abroad is not exactly feasible considering my family's financial situation, and it would be a burden on my parents to send their first child abroad. However, furthering my education abroad has always been my dream, and being an exceptional interpreter is my professional goal. It is a commitment to myself and I am sure that I will definitely regret it if I do not follow my heart.

So, I decided to take up a student loan to pursue my dream and passion. Sadly, the amount of loan I can take up is limited, and as a result, I will not have the sufficient funding for my stay in Britain using my student loan. If I do not get this scholarship, I might have to turn to my parents for financial support, and it would no doubt increase their burden since my sisters are also students and in need of money for education.

Furthermore, in traditional Chinese society, girls are not as valuable as boys. And since my mother had three girls, my grandparents do not expect me and my sisters to accomplish better than my other male cousins. This is exactly why I want to achieve my goals on my own, to prove that girls are just as capable as boys, if not more. Also, I hope to set an example for my sisters and show them that despite the odds are against me, I can still find a way to succeed.

I very much hope that I can be granted your scholarship to fulfill my dream, and also as a confirmation of what I a capable of, as a small town girl.
tmoreland 1 / 2  
Jun 22, 2011   #2
Good luck im sure your dreams will come true just spend the money wisely and study hard! You should talk about your family in your essay and expalin to them how you want to further you education just as you didi in this post.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 22, 2011   #3
...However, I know deeply in my heart that I can be great [be more specific. What do you want to accomplish? ...if I want to be, and nothing can stop me from getting there.

Okay, it seems like you are saying you will have the money if they do not give you the scholarship. That is a fair answer. I think you should write a little more about what the consequences would be for your little sisters. Also, write about other reasons it is much better for you to have the scholarship than not to have it... your goal should be to explain your action plan. Explain your plan for leaping into your chosen field, and help the reader to see how it will be different if you have the scholarship.

Try to use 3 paragraphs of 100 words each.
:-)
OP adriennelin 11 / 30  
Jun 26, 2011   #4
I re-wrote my essay based on the comments you guys gave me in my another post. (same topic) Please give me some feedbacks and correct my grammar errors (if you can). THANKS A LOT!
OP adriennelin 11 / 30  
Jun 26, 2011   #5
Thanks Toni and Kevin for your comments.
I made revisions based on your feedback in another post.
Please check it for me if you have time!
I'd really appreciate it :)
Thanks again!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 27, 2011   #6
Instead of writing "decision of" do this:
The decision to study abroad is not exactly feasible considering my family's financial situation, and it would be a burden on my parents to send their first child abroad.

However, furthering my education abroad has always been my dream, and being an exceptional interpreter is my professional goal. It is a commitment to myself, and I am sure that I will definitely regret it if I do not follow my heart. --I added a comma.

This is exactly why I want to achieve my goals on my own, to prove that girls are just as capable as boys, if not more. Also, I hope to set an example for my sisters and show them that despite the odds are against me, I can still find a way to succeed. -----Brilliant!! I think you will make a great impression with this essay.

:-)

***Please keep all versions of the essay in its original thread. :-)


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