Hi I have to write a 500 word essay. I decided to do something a little different to make my essay stand out more. So any comments or suggestions are helpful and feel free to criticize.
What are the most important qualities a leader must have in today's society? And why?
A leader has to be someone who is independent and someone who can take charge of any situation. Being a leader is a very important quality that I believe every student wanting to go to college must have. When people think of a leader they generally think of someone who is reliable, honest, trustworthy, and dedicated. Although all of these qualities are true in a leader, you must also be alive. People such as Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, and Rosa Parks are all leaders. Even though they are dead, their leadership remained alive. Martin Luther King Jr. fought for the rights of African Americans so that one day African Americans and whites would be created equal, Because of his honor, courage, and leadership African Americans have the same rights as white people. Abraham Lincoln showed leadership when he freed the slaves, which was one of the central issues in American history. Gandhi showed leadership when he helped India gain independence. He also inspired the movements of civil rights and freedom across the world. Rosa Parks showed leadership by refusing to give up her seat to a white man. All of these leaders showed great leadership through their pride, courage, and honor and because they did so they are known in history and will forever be known. Even though they are dead it's their works and leadership that has continued to remain alive.
People like Barrack Obama, Condoleezza Rice, and Mae Jemison are also leaders. Even though they are not dead, they have made a difference in this world because of their great leadership. Barrack Obama is a leader because he made a big step when he ran for president of the United States and because he did, and won, he is known as the first African American president of the United States. When Obama does die, he will still be remembered as the first African American president. Condoleezza Rice is a leader because she is the fist African American female to be Secretary of State. Mae Jemison also showed leadership by being the first African American female in space. Although these people are alive, they have made such a big impact on society that they will always be remembered even after they die.
In today's society if you are willing to make a difference in many peoples lives or in the world, you will also be remember by many people. This is something I want to do. I want to make such a big impact on the world that someday, even if it's when I'm dead, my name will forever be remembered.
Okay first of all, your beginning does not mesh well and when you say alive what do you mean by that. Do you mean ideas?? I think you should reword that sentence. Also your beginning is kind of boring and unoriginal and typical, but maybe that's what you want. I don't know that's just my opinion. When you listed those famous people you just listed what they did, I think you should also list the qualities they had that allowed them to do what they did. Example would be how Martin Luther King was a pacifists and courageous...u did it for him but u should do it for everyone else. Also you are naming big people that everyone knows about. To make you stand out you should name someone that most people don't think of when you think of the word leader. Try changing it up and name someone that people wouldn't think of as a leader.
Also you use the word leadership way too much.
You also didn't answer the essay question. You rambled on about other people but u didn't specifically go into what the important qualities are to be a leader in society today. You just focused on being remembered that's not really a quality.
Action verb:
A leader has to be someone who can think independently and someone who ca n take charge of any situation.
...and whites would be created treated as equals. Bec ause of his honor, courage, and leadership African Americans have
Even though they are not dead,---- being a leader does not require a person to be dead. I don't think this phrase is necessary. However, I see that you have a theme of "being remembered as a leader," so you can keep this phrase, but use different words. It is funny to say "even though they are not dead," as if being dead make a person a better leader.
Okay, my advice for you is this: Add more discussion of what YOU want to do to be a leader and the kind of work you want to do, the kind of people you want to lead and inspire.
:-)
