please I need your help in assessing this essay before send it\
Before two months, our hospital's staff have started a strike because we had not received a salary for those months.Many of them are from different departments,they have come daily and stayed in the Main Outpatient Hall without work,sharing photos and videos about the strike in the social networks sites by a way that enforce the owner to pay.
At those days, I have agreed with the strikers in the point that it is difficult for peoples to deal with their own personal commitments without money,and it is injustice and illegal to delay paying for us more than one month.However,I've not participated with them because I had a clear vision that is the patient care service comes first of all,and we have to continue providing medical care in this rough circumstances until we gain the payments.I felt that we will be responsible if harm happens for anybody due to stop service. Instead of an illegal strike,I thought that we have to seek for legal solutions for the problem.
In Aramco pharmacy, I was the only one from the staff who refuse this strike ,but I was very confident about the importance of my vision. So,I've discussed my viewpoint to my colleagues,and I've asked them to organize their prioritization and doing their humanitarian work.Also,I've advised them to be more patient,and I've tried to motivate them by optimism about the situation which I thought it would be overcome soon.In addition,I suggest for them an alternative legal solution by making a complaint to the labor office.Then,I've given them a good example of professionalism by following tasks regardless the poor conditions or shortage of staff.
Finally,although the situation not adjusted till now,but the service continued, and I've gained the appreciation of my supervisor and acting manager.Moreover,now I'm sure that many colleagues believe that the strike is not the right way to get their rights.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Yousif, your essay is quite confusing to read. How many months were the employees, including you, not paid? Was there a workers union at the pharmacy? Were you a member of the union? What was your leadership role in the strike? Did you or did you not join the strike? Was the strike something protested internally or was there a picket line in front of the office?
Seriously, there is no clear beginning or end to the scenario you provided because there is no proper development of the content. Before you talk about the strike, tell us about the office, your position, and what your role of leadership was. We need to know why these employees might look up to you for guidance (leadership) and how you could manage to influence them (if possible) into doing the right thing.
You need to provide a clearer example of how you led the group. How did you effectively act as the bridge between management and rank and file employees? What was the final outcome of the strike? Did your leadership and influence have anything to do with it?
While you have an excellent example of leadership and influencing to speak of in this essay, what is lacking is a cohesive presentation of the facts. You have time to revise the essay to better portray your role in the strike. Take advantage of it and make sure that you come across as an exemplary leader during this troublesome time at your office.
@Holt
Thanks for your help HOLT.
Really I consider your time revising it ,I'll take your notice and I'll redraft it for better
Please could you check it again
"Managers do things right but leaders do the right things," said Warren Bennis, a professor at the University of Southern California.
I think a good leader has a right clear vision or belief about the future.He works hard to reach it and knows he will face in his way a lot of problems that he must tackle it. He has impressive personal skills that make peoples choose voluntarily to follow him to his goal.
I work as a Junior Pharmacist in Aramco pharmacy at Saad Specialist Hospital.Four months ago,a real suffering situation has started ,we had not received our salary and the problem continued for the next two months.At that time,our hospital's staff have started a strike.Many of them are from different departments,they have come daily and stayed in the Outpatient Main Hall without work,sharing photos and videos about the strike in the social networks sites in a way that enforce the owner to pay.
Generally,It was a confusing case.The guidance of pharmacy department administration was not clear in this situation and changed from time to time.In conflict,they advised us to continue patient service, in addition, to gave us the right of participating in the strike.Personally,I have agreed with the strikers in the point that it is injustice and illegal to delay paying for us more than one month,and we can not deal with our personal commitments without money for months.However,I've not participated with the strikers because I had a clear vision which is the patient care service comes first of all,and we have to continue providing medical care by dispensing the medications in this rough circumstances until we gain the payments.Furthermore,I thought that we have to seek for legal solutions for this problem rather than an illegal strike.
I was the only pharmacist in Aramco pharmacy staff who refuse this strike ,but I was very confident about the importance of my view,and I've decided to paly a role in this situation. Firstly,I've discussed my viewpoint to colleagues ,and some of Senior Pharmacists argue.So,I've reminded them the humanitarian scope of our work,and we will be responsible if harm happens for anybody due to stop service.At those days,I felt they were very depressed,So, I've tried to motivate them by optimism about the situation that I thought it would be overcome soon.In addition,I've suggested an alternative legal solution for an illegal strike by making a complaint to the labour office which responsible to deal with this kind of issues .Lastly,I've given them a good example of professionalism by following tasks regardless the poor conditions.
Although the salary crisis not adjusted till now,but I proud that I played a role in continuing the patient care service ,and I've gained the appreciation of my supervisor and acting manager.
I'm sure that Chevening Scholarship will give me good chance to develop my personal skills as a leader by meeting future leaders from around the world.Then I will use these skills to be an influencer in my home country to develop it.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 4780 Yousif, use this simplified but more accurate version of your essay as an example of how to properly revise your essay:
As a Junior Pharmacist at Aramco Pharmacy, located within the Saad Hospital, I have been one of the back room leaders whose strict performance of duties are an intricate part of patient care. My job at the pharmacy is relied upon by the higher level staffers such as the nurses and doctors, to help cure the patients through the regular supply of medication at specific times. Recognizing the importance of my duty to the patients, it never occurred to me that my dedication to my job would one day be tested and that I would be called upon to perform a simple, yet significant leadership role.
It had been a total of 4 months that our salaries had not been paid by the hospital management. There was unrest and talks among the employees of going on strike to force the management to pay the back salaries owed. Before I knew it, the strike was ongoing and social media was ablaze with up to date citizen reporting from the hospital staff who refused to cross the picket line. "How could they do this? Don't they know that there are lives at stake here? " I thought to myself as I crossed the line, a line that needed to be crossed because lives on the other side of it depended upon me putting my self interests second to that of saving lives.
While I did agree with the strikers, I did not agree with their method of negotiating with the offending parties. I made sure to support the strikers, without sacrificing the job that I took an oath to perform. From within the hospital walls, I encouraged discussions with the Senior Pharmacists regarding the need to have back wages paid. While they listened to me, I reminded them that the strike could result in lost lives. I did my best to inspire and motivate those who remained to work at the hospital to do their jobs well because the situation would be resolved soon. I led by example as best as I could by embodying professionalism in the workplace, performing my tasks and duties even though the working conditions were not good.
The salary crisis still exists today. However, service at the pharmacy has not stopped even or a split second because I refused to let those working in the pharmacy be influenced by the negativity around them. I inspired them to continue delivering patient care because the patients had nothing to do with our issues at the hospital. I led the charge towards a realization that our work issues should not affect innocent lives negatively. As I continue to play the role of an inspiring backroom leader, I have earned the respect of my supervisor and manager. People who now also consider me a leader in my own right.
