My study in China; Chevening network question. Would be honoured, if you comment and help

Hello, friends. I am applying for Chevening and doing that thousands are doing now.
Hope, you can help me as I need some fresh view. Last time your comments helped me to improve my essay. I believe, this time you can help me too. I must admit I am not really sure what do they want us to show here.

My study in China is literately a result of networking. Years ago I helped Chinese students to adapt in Moscow, just because I wanted to make their life easier and when I was choosing the university in China, one of them helped me with applying to his own university for master courses. That moment I realized that networking takes an important role in the Chinese culture, so I understood that I need to enter every level of the closed Chinese community. In China It is called "guanxi", the network of people, who can help you and whom you can help. That system is built during all your life and you can benefit from it either instantly or years later. I have to enhance this skill from day to day. I had to learn how to talk, act and think to know them better. Now I am very close with Chinese society and know people with absolutely different backgrounds. I even had to start notebook with their names, so I would be sure I do not forget any important date, as this is crucial in China. Later with the help of my Chinese friends I got close with my university department supervisors and with their support international student association was founded, which now includes all the foreigners of our university and guides them in any situation. That helped me to meet and know people, who dreams to work with China. I believe that soon we may meet as business partners. I have already helped some of them with internships and contacts.

At the same time most of the Chinese top managers and decision makers have studied abroad, especially in the UK. That is one of the reasons why I want to join Chevening community, I believe, I can meet Chinese students, who study now in the UK and make them a part of my network, as most of them will become top managers and important decision makers. And according to my experience in China knowing right people in any Chinese related business allows you to achieve your goals faster.

I believe that my existing network connections and experience will let me help and guide those, who only in the beginning of their work with Chinese companies, as that has a lot of pitfalls and tricks to learn.

Hii Rusland,
i have to admit that you are a hard worker person who are trying to get scholarship.
Let me give you some corrections.

Years agoA couple years ago , I helped Chinese students ...

That moment I realized that networking takes an (...) that I need to enter interact with every level of the closed Chinese community.
That system is built during all your life (how long?) and you can get benefit from it either ...

I hadhave to learn how to talk, ...

Dear Ruslan, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct my response if I get wrong,

My study in China is literately a result of networking. -->
my intention to continue studying in China began as a result of my network with university

Years ago I helped Chinese ...
Years ago, I helped some of Chinese students while they were in Moscow. When my purpose is purely to help them, one of them offered me help by submitting my application to his own university for master degrees.

That moment I realized that networking ... -->
At that moment, I just realized of benefit of networking which is commonly applied in Chinese culture. Consequently, I have to be familiar with Chinese community from bottom to the top.

That system is built during all ... -->
As the system is built throughout your entire life, you can afford the benefits either instantly or years later.

I have to enhance this skill from ... -->
Therefore I have enhanced this skill which include learning how to talk, acting and thinking to get along with them better.

Now I am very close --> I suggest you start new paragraph

Your writing is readable but unfortunately you can improve it by adding connecting words between sentences, transform the simple sentence to compound or complex sentence to create good cohesion. Hope it helps you to improve your writing,

Regards

Thank you very much!

In this essay you should write how are you going to use your networking skills in the future especially with the chevining community. It is critical in the statement.

hello there..
here are my correction for your writing..

1.In China (put comas)It is called "guanxi", the network of people,
2. I even had to start notebook(put article a or the " the notebook") with their names,
3.That helped me to meet and know people, who dreams(dream) to work with China
4. At the same time (put comas) most of the Chinese top managers

may my corrections be useful ...
thank you ...

Thank you, Radja,
details which you stop noticing after making hundrend editions.
I would add this.

here is my draft again.
Fadhill, thank you for helpig me!
Giansy and Kareem thank you for the ideas and suggestions!
Radja, you helped me a lot with finding little details

My intention to continue studying in China began as a result of my network with university. Years ago, I helped some of Chinese students while they were in Moscow. When my purpose was purely to support them, they offered me help by submitting my application to their university for master degrees. At that moment, I just realized of benefit of networking which is commonly applied in Chinese culture. Consequently, I have to be familiar with Chinese community from bottom to the top. In China it is called "guanxi", the network of people, who can help you and whom you can help. As the system is built throughout your entire life, you can afford the benefits either instantly or years later. Therefore I have enhanced this skill, which includes learning how to talk, act and think to get along with them better. I have been visiting all the Russian-Chinese business meetings held by Russian Trade Delegation and established connections with many people working in China. As a result I was responsible for the connections with Chinese side during the last China International Industry Fair, which is obliviously, flattered me.

Now I can say, I am very close with Chinese society and know people with absolutely different backgrounds. I even had to start a notebook with their names, so I would be sure I do not forget any important dates, as this is crucial in China. Later with the help of my Chinese friends I got close with my university department supervisors and with their support international student association was founded, which now includes all the foreigners of our university and guides them in any situation. That helped me to meet and know people, who dream to work with China. I have already helped some of them with internships and contacts and I believe that soon we may meet as business partners.

At the same time, most of the Chinese top managers and decision makers have studied abroad, especially in the UK. That is one of the reasons why I want to join Chevening community, I believe, I can meet Chinese students, who study now in the UK and make them a part of my network, as most of them will become top managers and important decision makers. I believe that I would be one of those, who really understand their business culture and become a "bridge" between them and other foreigners. Also I believe that my existing network connections and experience will let me help and guide those, who only in the beginning of their work with Chinese companies, as that has a lot of pitfalls and tricks to learn. I am always happy to share my knowledge and sure that would be helpful for all Chenevers, as mostly every country in the world works with China, however, not all of them know how to do it effectively.