Below is my essay...I really would like to elaborate and add on to the essay so that I can make the most of the 400-600 words recommended. I am just not sure where I could expand. Any critique is appreciated.
Essay prompt:
Tell us about your academic/career short-term and long-term goals.
How has your Hispanic heritage influenced these goals?
It's amazing what kind of affect one change can have on your life, on your dreams and your goals. In early 2013, I found myself facing an unexpected pregnancy. Up until then, my only goal was to try to keep my room clean. School was always at the top of my list and furthering my education was something I never even questioned. Sadly, the moment I became pregnant that all changed. I was deemed to the statistics that our society and even our culture quickly write off. Studies have shown that Latinas often experience conflicts among traditional roles of motherhood, family responsibilities, and academic success. It would be easy to join the masses of Hispanic teen-moms that have settled for the role of home-maker because I belong to a heritage that is ingrained in its family while rich in its culture. It has become more of the norm within my extended family and I have seen first-hand the effects it has had. I realized very quickly that more often than not, the expectation to further my education as a teen mom was slim to none. If there was anything I was certain about, it was the mere thought that I needed to provide a better future and life for my son. It was in that instant that I knew I had to get serious about my life and my education.
From the onset, I set my sights on attending a four year university. So with baby in hand or sometimes even on my hip, I set out to enroll in courses necessary to complete the Recommended High School Program for graduation. I also set out to satisfy the college readiness benchmarks on the SAT - each time improving my scores. Currently I am on track to graduate early and have already been accepted into the college of my choice!
Unlike the average student, I am faced with daily struggles and challenges as a teen mom; but each day also offers a plethora of opportunities to reach some sort of short-term goals. Sometimes it's waking up ahead of my alarm clock just to get a shower in before the baby wakes. Other times it's reading a number of chapters before a lesson is due. These short-term goals have laid the groundwork for my long-term goals of going off to college and becoming a doctor. Wild as it may be, my ultimate goal is becoming an OB/GYN.
Attending college can be a feat for anyone - let alone a young Hispanic teen-mom like me! Fortunately, I have been able to see how deep-rooted our heritage is in its past so that I can have a future. I know the richness of my heritage, alongside with my son, will help me be the best I can be. Much of what I have learned growing up has been passed down through generations of perseverance, persistence, hard-work and dedication. It is through these very influences that I have been able to set my long-term goals of becoming a doctor and owning my own practice one day.
A new chapter awaits me and I am eager to open that book.
I really feel this is great, if your wanted to add anywhere I would say add other short term goal examples. Your essay is showing how you're not doing the norm of your heritage of becoming a home-maker, you instead want to continue your education even though you have become a teen mom. The short term goals of reading a number of chapters before a lesson is due is a good one stated. I may be looking at the question wrong but I feel your wants of pursuing an education is different than your heritage if so explore factors that show the expected actions and the actions you are actually taking to achieve your long term goal. I hope this doesn't confuse you.
Your essay is really good
the only issue is the line that says ... Sadly, the moment I became pregnant that all changed.
It may come across that having the child was ultimately a burden for you by adding the word 'Sadly'. It may be just how I interpreted the statement when I read it.
I would consider something like "The moment I became pregnant everything changed" Not a huge change but it comes across better as you changed because you got pregnant not the pregnancy ruined your goals. That he gave you extra motivation to work harder. If that makes sense.
Good Luck!:)
