IT usage - reasons why I am proposing to these institutions (AAS)

Hello, please review my essay about why I am choosing to these institutions to fulfill the supporting statement of AAS. This essay describes about the IT security weakness in my country and the mitigation plan through my institution's program. I tried to write as clear as possible, but I realize that there will be many errors. Thank you for your support!

========================================================================================================================

IT usage has increased significantly in Indonesia, especially in the government sector, but a decent cyber security system does not entirely support it. Many data breaches occur in several institutions, and the regulations are also less responsive. A widespread IT security review is needed to evaluate its effectiveness and establish a proper cyber defense. As the only government's external audit agency, my institution has a mandate to encourage improvement through audits. However, it needs more auditors with IT security background. I believe this is a chance to contribute to my country by taking a master's program in cyber security from a developed country.

I am fascinated that several universities in Australia have offered master's programs in cyber security for any background since my previous study was accounting. After doing research, I have picked two universities whose programs are aligned with my needs. My first choice is Master of Combined Studies in Public and Social Policy / Cyber Security Analysis at Macquarie University. This combination fulfills my aspiration and closely corresponds to my working plan. The Applied Cyber Security unit will address important skills in developing cyber security strategies and policies to mitigate potential threats. Regarding public policy, this program provides a Framing Policy Problems unit. I will study policy problems and their solutions, including big data and governance by algorithm topic.

My next choice is the Master of Cyber Security at The University of Queensland. This program offers several courses that allow me to learn not only about cybersecurity but also about the leadership field of study. For instance, Fundamentals of Cyber Security addresses cyber security issues through holistic views, such as policy and IT governance. Also, Cyber Security Human Capital Leadership develops the ability to influence other people in terms of cyber security awareness.

Do not focus so much on the weakness of IT cybersecurity in your country. The reviewer is not interested in that. He is actually more interested to learn about your professional needs in relation to advanced theoretical study. You must be an IT professional of some sort right? Discuss your current job and how these courses would help you improve your capacity to respond to IT security tasks are needed in your department. You can then highlight these needs in relation to the university and course choices. I think you have more qualifications than you are letting on in this response. Build your image. Convince the reviewer that you are a potentially excellent addition to either university roster.

@Holt
Thank you for your clear response. I'll then emphasize more on my professional needs and describe more about my current job's problem.

You should focus more on why you should attend those universities, what do you offer to the table. Don't ramble about the negative attributes about your country. Also, talk a little more about the second university, they want to see an interest in both, not just one and then the second is a "backup."