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I wanted to build an empire of Internet Services - Global UGRAD Program needs talented students



alisherrakhimov 1 / -  
Dec 30, 2017   #1
Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?

to develop the it sphere where i live



Let I start my story from the truth and tell you story of my life. In my country IT sphere is not so developed. No online payment system, no international payment cards or online shops and so on. That is why I really wanted to build an empire of Internet Services such as Amazon, PayPal and so on. During my high school years, I studied math and physics to enter the university. I really wanted to become a programmer but I did not know from what to start. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I had no computer, no internet. When I was accepted to the university, I was not happy because the tuition fee was 5000$ per year, my family could not afford paying it. But my father really wanted me to study there and bought me a laptop. During fall semester I had a lot difficulties, I had to work after the lectures to help my father financially. Working at the same time and cope with the lectures was actually impossible. Moreover, programming was something new for me so it was too difficult for me understand many things. Some students comprehended new things during the lectures, but I needed to study several hours to understand simple things. First semester I was flunking out of university, I had 1.5 GPA. The university warned me about disqualifying me if I get less than 1.7 one more time. God saved me, the next semester it was 1.91. I tried my best but I did understand not why I could not succeed during the year. There some people telling me "You cannot do this, you cannot do that, and you would better quit the university and work somewhere than burning your father's money". I cried a lot. If you listen to people and if you allow them to project their fears onto you, you will not live. However, my father had a small light of hope and believed in me. He made me stop working after the lectures, and borrow some money from bank to pay the fees. During summer holiday, I repeated everything I had been taught. I really wanted to prove everyone that I am worth something and not a loser anymore. I learned how to play the guitar in order to improve myself not only in subject but also in music. Now I have finished my fall semester of the second year and I lot of things have changed compared to last year. Sometimes you need to fail big to realize what has gone wrong and not to repeat the same mistakes. There is an old IQ test with nine dots and you have to draw five lines with a pencil within these nine dots without lifting the pencil, the only way to do it was to go outside the box, so I am not afraid to dream big, to fail big. I learned programming skills during summer holiday and create a programmer's club in my university with other students. We have dream to become successful people and I am the leader of the club, now we are working on a chat application for our university's local network. Not all of our members are skilled enough; we help and protect each other because we know that one day we become a big company and develop our county. The number members in our small programmers community is growing. I teach freshmen to fight their fears, and help them with their assignments, because I know how it feels to have no one to help. Steve Jobs started Apple in garage; Mark Zuckerberg coded Facebook in his dorm room. To achieve our goals we apply discipline and consistency. We work at in every day so that working hard is what successful people do. UGRAD is the only way to explore more about IT; we all know that the USA is leading country in IT field. I really want to share my thoughts with students from different walks of life and get more ideas and apply them in my country.

isahmk125 3 / 5  
Dec 30, 2017   #2
You did not address any issue as you were required. this is mere life story telling essay. Nobody wants to hear your struggles and challenges in this length. The examiner is more interested in how you shape your ideas in undertaking your project, if gotten the chance; the likely impact it will have on the society, and how such impact can be measured.

Therefore, you need to sit down and form a new, realistic and well focused essay that will address an issue in question.
Asep 2 / 2  
Dec 30, 2017   #3
@alisherrakhimov
Hello, We are UGRAD applicants, we might share and give feedback, As I read on your Essay, that is not really linked in with what the question want, your writing seems dominant with story of your life, in my opinion, you should add some link your writing to the UGRAD purpose, Which are looking for the student who ready to collect as many as possible knowledge. And also be able to show their leadership Quality
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15347  
Dec 31, 2017   #4
Alisherbek, if the UGrad application requires a personal statement essay, then this is the essay that you should use. This is not really an appropriate response to the prompt because you are not displaying any talents, skills, academic excellence, team experience, leadership abilities, and anything similar that would help to insinuate that you have some notable achievements that would help to enhance the talent pool of the UGrad semester scholars. Please write a totally new essay that provides information about your motivation for becoming a UGrad scholar, what you hope to learn academically, socially, and culturally during your time in the U.S., what you hope to bring to the program to help make the semester interesting and educational in terms of you representing your country to your classmates and fellow scholars, and how you see this experience changing your life once you go back home. You have not properly represented any of these expected discussion points in your current essay which is why you cannot use any portion of this for your application.
judantoatp 2 / 3  
Dec 31, 2017   #5
Hi there, Alisherbek. I'am one of the applicants for the UGrad too and we've kinda facing the same challenge here :)
I think you should focus more on responding what is demanded from the essay theme. What you've written here is actually good for an opening background paragraph I think. You should put more about what kind of abilities you've possess in your essay. Good luck! :)


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