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To work for WHO or UNICEF - 250-400 words on my vision for the future



ThinLizzie 1 / 5  
Jan 10, 2010   #1
January 10, 2010
Any thoughts, error correction, etc. is appreciated. I am glad I found this site! I am a helper, and I love the concept here! Thanks in advance, lizzie.

"If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. I'd hammer in the evening all over this land..." (Peter, Paul, and Mary, c 1963).

I have a vision that changes the way we love each other. In my vision, I lend myself to helping a stranger; my heart is my instrument and my hands are my work-station. It is innate, I think, this need to help; I didn't learn it somewhere, I inhaled it with my first breath. So I will help in some bigger way.

My goals are founded within this innate need, and my dreams of academic success are only a means to achieve my goals. I hope to inspire people along the way. People like my sister, who considers herself the most overwhelmed person on the planet even though she never leaves the safety of her couch: my niece, Amber, whom I used to call my "Minnie Me." She will watch and learn the effort it takes to realize a dream; telling is not enough

My vision has taken me around the country and around the globe, but there are places and people who need me still. My ability to persevere feeds my soul, and I will feed the souls of others because I know some stuff; I know what it means to live in the woods, and I understand the decorum of a black-tie affair. I will get to those who need me, and I will heal them.

My long-term goal takes me to impoverished nations in a healing capacity. I don't mind living in the dirt with no amenities. I have medical knowledge, and I will glean even more through formal education. My dream is to work for the World Health Organization or UNICEF treating illnesses in devastated locals, and I hope to acquire contacts, friends, and experience in charitable funding, so that I may bring my knowledge home one day, and help the working poor of our society. I hope to one day make others strong so they can love their global brothers and their sisters. Education will be my hammer.

linmark 2 / 325  
Jan 11, 2010   #2
Hi Lizzie,
I am confused. Your title and the category of essay (scholarship application) lead me to conclude that you are applying to a school, but I do not know at what level (undergrad or grad?) So I am assuming that this is for undergrad school and my comments are in this context:

People like my sister, the most overwhelmed person on the planet even though she never leaves the safety of her couch:

What do you mean by overwhelmed. It isn't clear how you will inspire her ("She will watch and learn from me - watch & learn what??)

Education is my hammer.

Why education? How about your heart or innate need to help?
OP ThinLizzie 1 / 5  
Jan 11, 2010   #3
Hi, Linmark, I don't know why this ended up in scholarship essays. Maybe I hit the wrong button. It is actually an entrance exam essay (if they let me choose the topic...), but I thought I put it under general essay help (?). I have changed those couple of things you mentioned. Is it clearer?...BTW the "hammer" is a metaphor for the tool I will use to change the world :) as soon as I finish school and get a job haha! It is from the song I quoted in the beginning. Let me know if it is still too ambiguous. Thank you for your help.
linmark 2 / 325  
Jan 13, 2010   #4
Lizzie - I still stumbled on the first example you gave, your sister - as the adjective you used of overwhelmed is so vague - do you mean she is overwhelmed - scared or the outside world??

People like my sister, who considers herself the most overwhelmed person on the planet even though she never leaves the safety of her couch

I understood your hammer metaphor - just questioned why education. Your deliberate use here then means (to me) that you intend to use education to help the "devastated locals."
OP ThinLizzie 1 / 5  
Jan 15, 2010   #5
I understood your hammer metaphor - just questioned why education. Your deliberate use here then means (to me) that you intend to use education to help the "devastated locals."

yep. Just right!

Also, regarding your continued confusion about the word "overwhelmed," I looked it up again to be sure I understood the literal definition...and yep, that is exactly what I meant when I said it.

Thanks, A, I really appreciate the dialog. I think it is a-ok now! Should I have said "locales??" I might have spelled that wrong, but I can't find out for sure.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 19, 2010   #6
It is innate, I think, this need to help; I didn't learn it somewhere, I inhaled it with my first breath.

This is so great... as continue to read it, I see that the whole essay is very enjoyable to read. I wouldn't want to mess with it.

BTW, you might enjoy the beginning of Mere Christianity by Lewis, because he uses this innate sense of right and wrong and desire to help as evidence for the existence of something that might rightly be called "God."

How about some more details about why this school is an important part of your grand process.

:-)

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