My Reasons for Transferring
Last year, while still in high school, I had a lot to think about. Many college applicants just had to worry about what to study and in which college; I had to decide on which country. Before coming back to the United States I had lived eight years in the Dominican Republic, a country completely different in culture, language and many other factors. In the end I decided to study here in the United States, at La Salle University.
I arrived to La Salle University with an open mind, excitement as a freshman and looking forward to the change that awaited me. However I have been somewhat disappointed not only academically but also with the faculty and students. I feel that La Salle may not have been the best option. With small sized classes and faculty interested in their students I am sure that if I were to attend Roger Williams University I would be more academically challenged and surrounded by other students eager to learn as much or more than me, which is exactly what I want.
At the time of sending college applications I was also undecided on my major. With time I have been able to reduce my list to Psychology, Media Communications or Historical Preservation. They are majors offered in Roger Williams University that really interest me and I can see myself accomplishing many things in. I know that no matter which major I choose, Roger Williams University will provide the correct education for me, my future major and goals.
Although the reasons for my transferring to Roger Williams University are personal and academically related, I won't limit myself. I will also participate in clubs and associations as I do in my current university, especially in the cultural ones.
Another important factor that I have noticed is the pride that the Roger Williams University community has for being part of and representing the university, not only in sports but in many other ways and activities. That is what I want to feel for the university that I were to attend. I would be proud to be a part of Roger Williams University.
Hi Jennifer!
My big recommendation to you is this: focus on what Roger Williams has vs what La Salle does not. If you criticize your current program, you'll portray yourself as a less than gracious applicant and really miss your target audience. The focus of this essay should be how Roger Williams will enable you to reach your academic (and even career) goals.
I'd also say you should commit to a major and course of study at Roger Williams, something specific to their offerings. You write:
"At the time of sending college applications I was also undecided on my major. With time I have been able to reduce my list to Psychology, Media Communications or Historical Preservation. They are majors offered in Roger Williams University that really interest me and I can see myself accomplishing many things in."
Transfer applicants have it a little harder because they're expected to have really persuasive, firm reasons for transferring. They need to know where they're going and what they need to get there.
This is a good start...keep going! Focus your goals and elaborate more on why Roger Williams is the ideal fit.
Best,
Brooke
Ivy Eyes Editing
thanks..i tried changing a couple of things...what do you think about it? Thanks
Before coming back to the United States I had lived eight years in the Dominican Republic, a country completely different in culture, language and many other factors. instead of saying this vague idea, end the sentence with an observation about the WAY it was different. That detail will help to hypnotize the reader. :-)
I am not sure what this sentence means:
Although the reasons for my transferring to Roger Williams University are personal and academically related, I won't limit myself. I will also participate in clubs and associations as I do in my current university, especially in the cultural ones.--Oh, I see what you mean. You do not need to use so many sentences for this. Just mention 2 or 3 clubs you would like to join at Roger Williams.
Another important factor that I have noticed is the ...This last paragraph does not really tell me anything. Do you know what I mean? It has no new idea to contribute. Revise the last paragraph so that it expresses the message you want the reader to remember.
