Hello guys. I want feedback on my commonapp essay as I wish to be done with it soon.
Thank you.
My instincts and impulsive attributes add majorly to who I am as a person today. Where people choose to think rationally about careers and professions, I choose to think from my heart rather than my mind. Being the youngest in the middle-class family of four, all working relentlessly as either doctors or engineers, I grew up thinking that those two were the only professions in the world.
In the influence of my family and my science-oriented school environment, I succeeded academically, winning science-fairs and accepting all stereotypical career options. Though, even as a child, my hands were always stained with ink and I shouldered large registers of my scribbles. When girls my age talked about clothes and make-up, I used my time writing. There was always a register open in my lap during lessons, in hope of getting a word in when the teacher wasn't looking. Either it was the nib on paper or the fingers on keys; I was filled with happiness, of purpose, of determination, and these aspects evolved into passion, into who I am as today; a hardworking individual with defining principles, thoughts and dreams.
Wishful thinking as a child of what I wanted to be was always present but quickly mocked and undermined by my parents. The first mention of pursuing arts and humanities came up when I was choosing my O'levels. I was discouraged by my parents and my teachers, saying I could do 'better'. That very same year, coincidentally or not, my school demolished the arts wing altogether; it was either science or business. Ironically I was the first to hand in my subject choices and probably the first one to do it without any discussion.
The reality hit me hard with time. I realized my mind was there but not my heart and I avoided those subjects like a plague. The artist inside of me found its way again, through the pen into the camera and by the time I finished O'levels and entered A'levels, I wanted nothing in my life than to become a filmmaker.
My biggest achievement is connected to the biggest risk I took; breaking-through. My changing subjects in my first year symbolized the battle I fought with myself and my parents. I was grounded for two weeks when I dropped Chemistry and Biology and, for months that followed, undermined severely. Yet I did not give up and now, as I apply to universities, I apply for nothing but to pursue the artist within me. I grew up to be a strong person if not anything, making my own decisions and carrying out my word till the end. Instead of following someone else's footsteps, I created my own. Instead of playing safe, I took a risk; I listened to my heart instead of my mind, followed my dream instead of cultural reason and broke-through.
T.S Elliot summarizes my past, future and self, in a few simple words:
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go"
And so will I bravely step in and see.
It's 513 words. Is that alright or it has to be 500 exact?
Thank you.
Hi
It's good if you posted your prompt for us to give you a more relevant feedback : )
Where people choose to think rationally about careers and professions, I choose to think from my heart rather than my mind.
When many people give priority to the careers and professions when making academic decisions, I always listen to my heart.Being the youngest in the middle-class family of four, all working relentlessly as either doctors or engineers, I grew up thinking that those two were the only professions in the world.
I think you should break this sentence to at least two sentences. It seems it's too much compact and many things are half told. Relax it more and tell this idea in a more interesting way!
Being the youngest in the middle-class family of four, all working relentlessly as either doctors or engineers, I grew up thinking that those two were the only professions in the world.
... The honest truth. It is what every child thinks. :)
Though, even as a child, my hands were always stained with ink and I shouldered large registers of my scribbles.
I don't think you need a "though" here. Or the commas.
When girls my age talked about clothes and make-up, I used my time writing.
Whilst the other girls were busy with their make up and being fashionable, I was busy writing.There was always a register open in my lap during lessons, in hope of getting a word in when the teacher wasn't looking.
... Are you serious???? lol
Anyway It's a good essay. I enjoyed reading it. It would be better if you post the prompt as well. :)
