Actions speak louder then words, is a perfect saying to describe me as a person. I think the actions I take in my education speak louder than the grades I get. My dedication to something makes me proud of myself. I am majoring in Biology which has never been a breeze for me but I enjoy the challenge it portrays. I rather work for the grades I get rather then get it fed to me. I have a thirst for challenges. I want to go to your university Texas A&M because its always have been a dream. I also want to go your branch of dental school in the future, Texas A&M University Baylor College of Dentistry. I am currently going to a community college in Midland, TX and the reason why I decided to stay home was because I felt like I could not survive without my parents. We have always been a family tied to the hip but I want to grow as a person and be independent for the very first time. I want to move forward in my education, dreams, and personal life and I believe that Texas A&M will be the best for me to succeed in all my future endeavors. I have set really high goals for myself and I have never had thought about changing them or loosing hope. I am a bit stubborn when it comes to reaching my goals. Both of my parents do not have a degree so I want to make them proud and become and Orthodontist, hopefully through the branch of dental school of Texas A&M.
I feel like I lack so much. I want to mention this sentences but I don't know where to put them; I was born in Panama and my parents were born in India. I know four languages which are, Spanish, Gujurati, Hindi, and English.
I think the actions I take in my education speak louder than the grades I get.
Double verb, teh sentence should be : I think the actions
which I take in my education speak louder than the grades I get.
Thank you!
Other than all of the grammatical errors (which you should get a teacher or someone to read, because there are a lot), you don't really explain how your actions speak louder than your words. Try talk about an experience that reflects this, it would really improve your essay. Also, don't cut yourself down by mentioning that you can't survive without your parents and are stubborn or whatnot. Good luck.
Saving one child at time was the quote written on my PALS (Peer Assistance Leadership Skills) t-shirt. PALS was one of the organizations I joined during my junior year in high school. It was an organization where I would go five elementary schools each week. My responsibility as a PAL was to be a mentor to these kids and keep their hopes up high for education or life in general. These kids had either a hard time at school with getting bullied or making low grades or having a hard personal life at home. Some of my kids were always down, which made me really thankful of my childhood years. I was one of the lucky ones to get chosen for PALS. One of my benefits was that I knew four languages, Gujarati, Spanish, Hindi, and English. I wish I when I was young in my elementary years I would have had a PAL that would come once every week of the school year and guide me because I felt like I was bullied through my elementary years. My classmates would make fun of my accent, how I was Indian, and some would call me a terrorist because that's when 9/11 took place. It gave me an opportunity what I always wanted to have to other kids. I never thought that I could make such a big impact on these little kids' lives. One memorable thing my child told me is that "Krupa, you saved my life." This was so special to me because I know she was having violence at home which took a toll on her life and it made her really depressed where she wanted to quit. Just then I decided that this is something I wanted to do with my future. I wanted to make a difference in people's lives for the better. I always wanted to see children laughing and smiling big. Through these times I was going through problems myself but my problems were inconsequential to these little kids. I would never smile because my teeth were really bad, finally I got braces which boosted my confidence up really high and I wasn't afraid of people making fun of my teeth because I was getting them fixed. For this reason, I want to be an orthodontist. Braces made a substantial change in my life and I want to do that for other kids. Hopefully through your university, Texas A&M I will make my dreams come true. The reason why I am so eager to attend Texas A&M is because they are top in the United States ranking for their Biology program and its number two top university in Texas. Another reason is because you guys have a dental school which I always have wanted to go to. PALS gave me an opportunity to help out kids and it assured me that I wanted to go into a field that would essentially help people and hopefully through Texas A&M I will be able to.
please give me feedback on making my sentences better, if I'm on track, and what I need to do to improve.
Thank you for your honest opinion. I decided that this essay was all over the place but I wrote another one. Tell me what you think of it.
Good improvement from the last essay. There are still grammatical errors and sentence structure issues. But other than fixing those, the story of the essay is a lot better.
Thank you! Can you please point them out to me?
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