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Activities that influnced me & academic potential and accomplishment


ranaislazah 2 / 5  
Mar 19, 2011   #1
[NEED HELP AGAIN] i have another essay, please correct it, because i am not sure that my essay will be free from grammatical error, give me advise. thank you very much :)

Q2.tell us about your academic potential and accomplishment. (to be honest, i never win any competition, so can i writ it like this? :

"I'm good in biology subject. During Junior High School (JHS), I always got an outstanding score in biology. I wanted to join the Biology Olympiad (BO), unfortunately, my guardian teacher didn't choose me. Suddenly, my biology teacher asked me to join BO, I was shocked, because the competition would be held 5 days later. Finally, I joined BO. The result wasn't too bad, I was the 9th rank among 100 or more. But, still couldn't go to province level, I failed. In senior high school, after a hard selection, I joined acceleration program (3 years is fifted in to 2 years education). Students in Acceleration Class (AC) came from the best JHS. The students were very competitive. In AC, I always on the 2nd rank, except, in my 1st semester, When I hadn't realized that my friends were brilliant. I usually got the best score in biology, my biology teacher encouraged me to join BO. I told my mom, she didn't allow me, she wanted me to focus in AC. I was crying, and I promised myself no to lose any chance and If I become one of U's family, I'll really study hard to get the best achievements."

Q3. among the many extracurricular you have done, tell us about the most important activity that influenced you (and the people around you)

"The most important organization that play a main role in my life is Bulletin Board Department. It all began when my senior read my article, she directly promoted me to let me join, I was placed in creative division (CD), especially in "what they said rubric". Every week, I and crews tried to find an interesting topic to made an interview with people. It's really interesting to be BB's family, I was starting to think how I could deliver the best article in BB, and arranging tips and tricks to catch an important person, through BB I was learning how to be a punctual and responsible person. After a year being a member, I was being an assistant leader of CD, I was starting to arrange my and BB schedule, that was really good to establish the discipline in my life. In senior high school, I was leader of graphic design and editor division. In this division I had a responsibility to make BB looks catchy and worth reading, also to encourage my crews to work together and make the readers enjoy, learn, get knowledges, messages from BB. I want someday my scientific works will be published in international forum."

Q4. what are your strengths and weaknesses

"My weakness are I'll be easily feel down when I see many smarter people around me, so I always motivate myself that I can do the same and more than them, it really helps. I can't be disorganized because I've a trouble with procrastinating, so I always make a schedule and list the things that I have to do. My mood easily to change when I can't answer question or problem, because of that I put papers in somewhere that show my dream, after that I'll try harder to find the answer of the problem. I'm not easily satisfied with my work, so I always do all my tasks as perfect as possible. I'm a bit aggressive to reach my dream, but I hate being unfair. My strengths are If I've a dream, I'll strive so hard so I can reach my dream. I'm a punctual and discipline person. I can work as team, I love organizing, directing, explaining, and helping. I'm confident and love talking in front of people. I love writing, reading, and learning, and I love something that challenges me. I'm an adaptable person, so it's not hard for me to move to a new place."

Thanks a lot :)

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 21, 2011   #2
I had to move this to a new thread. Please start a new thread for every essay.

I like this first essay. I think it is okay to write it this way. I'll just fix some sentences:
The result wasn't too bad. I was the 9th rank among 100 or more. But still, I couldn't go to province level. I failed. In senior high school, after a hard selection, I joined an accelerated program (3 years fifted of work concentrated into 2 years of education). Students in Acceleration Class (AC) came from ...

I was crying, and I promised myself no not to lose any chance. If I become one of U's family, I'll really study hard to get the best achievements."

:-)

...work together and make the readers enjoy, learn, get knowledges gain knowledge, messages from BB. I hope some day my scientific works will be published in an international forum."

...always remind myself that I can do the same and more than them, and it really helps.

My strengths are compensate for my weaknesses. If I have a dream, I'll strive so ...

These are very impressive. Just keep working hard. You have nothing to worry about. The writing is high quality and shows how intelligent and thoughtful you are.
OP ranaislazah 2 / 5  
Mar 22, 2011   #3
thank you so much Mr. Kevin!
it really helps me :D


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