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My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone - Columbia Univ.



melramadhani 16 / 46  
Nov 2, 2014   #1
What single activity listed in the activity section of your Common Application are you most proud of and why? (150 words or less)

​My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone.

Being a tourism ambassador of my city, or pageant in another term, was never in everyone's mind. Most people associated me with intelligence, not beauty. My usual circle is among people who were involved in the same activity as I : fellow debater, fellow programmer, and my simple bestfriends. None of my friends were photomodels like my fellow tourism ambassadors now.

But I tried for the tourism ambassador selection of 2014 despite of my zero experience in ambassador-ing. I transformed myself from a bookworm into a lady. I learned things I would never learn otherwise : make-up, catwalking, and public relations.

My tourism ambassador activity is something to be proud of, not only because it brought me out of my comfort zone, but also it gave me experiences and friends I'd never have otherwise.

suvekcha19 1 / 15  
Nov 2, 2014   #2
MyThe activity listed in my application which I am most proud of is my involvement in Tourism Ambassadors, because it gave me an opportunity tobrokecome out of my comfort zone.

I think this is a better way to start :)
suvekcha19 1 / 15  
Nov 2, 2014   #3
Being a tourism ambassador of my city, or pageant in another term, was never in everyone'sanyone's mind. Most people associated me with intelligence, not beauty. My usual circle is amongwas people who were involved in the same activity as I : fellow debater, fellow programmer, and my simple best friends. None of my friends were photo models like my fellow tourism ambassadors now.

But I tried for the tourism ambassador selection of 2014 despite of my zero experience in ambassador-ing. I transformed myself from a bookworm into a lady. I learned things I would never learn otherwise : make-up, cat walking, and public relations.

My tourism ambassador activity is something to beI am proud of, not only because it brought me out of my comfort zone, but it also it gave me experiences and friends I'd never have otherwisegave me the opportunity to experience new things in life and make new friends .

I hope this was helpful. English is not my native language so I tried my best to correct the mistakes. Hope you find better feedback ! :)
nkp28 1 / 20  
Nov 2, 2014   #4
Be more personal, invoke vivid imagery, make the AO feel as if they are walking in your shoes! but I really like your activity, just make sure you focus on you and what this activity did for you personally. How was it out of your comfort zone? Were you shy before?
bryantasticc 2 / 5  
Nov 25, 2014   #5
My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone.I am particularly proud of my participation in Tourism Ambassadors which gave me the opportunity to break out my comfort zone.

Being a tourism ambassador of my city, or pageant in another term, was never inon everyone's mind. Most people associated me with intelligence, not beauty. My usual circle is amongconsisted of people who were involved in the same activity as I : fellow debaters , fellow programmers , and my simple bestfriends. None of my friends were photo models like my fellow tourism ambassadors now.

But I tried for the tourism ambassador selection of 2014 despite of my zero experience in ambassador-ingBetter word choice? . I transformed myself from a bookworm into a lady. I learned things I would never learn otherwisehave never learned : make-up, catwalking, and public relations.

My tourism ambassador activity is something to be proud of, not only because it brought me out of my comfort zone, but alsobecause it gave me experiences and friends I'd never have otherwise.

Really great topic! I think you could emphasize on the why part by giving an example of how it brought you out of your comfort zone, but other than that you have a great essay.

Good luck!
him827 2 / 3  
Nov 25, 2014   #6
great choice of words

try to complete this in two or three para


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