An experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this change you?

please help me with this essay. i know my writing is really bad.

The Richmond Question: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

When I was in Middle School, my father always took me to the undergraduate studying fair to get the very first idea about studying overseas and to choose which country I prefer. At all the fairs, he encouraged me to ask questions about the school but I refused all the time because I thought it was too early for me to ask the school in detail.

However, this experience became my bad habit. I was afraid of speaking in front of a crowd. It was secondary school that I was in and it was not early anymore. I missed many chance to ask questions because each time I intended to stand up, it would seem that the Earth exerted a gravitational force that was as 10 times as normal on me though I had already repeated the question many times in my mind.

Two years ago, counselors of University of Pen and Brown University came to my school to introduce their universities to us high school students. I was very interested because it was the very first introduction about US universities after I had planned to study in the US. Also, I had chance to change the bad habit because I knew that public speaking was very important in my future. Nevertheless, I couldn't stand up. Thanks to my friends that they raised me up. That time, I had to undergo the feeling of being looked by more than 1000 students surrounded. My face went read. My voice trembled interruptedly and uncontrollably.

The first one was always the hardest one. From there on, I always tried to find the chance to speak before the crowd so that now I can confidently stand up to speak without any problems.

My first thoughts:

"my father always took me to the undergraduate studying fair" Always? You might want to use a different word. It doesn't really go with "to get the very first idea" later on.

"It was secondary school that I was in and it was not early anymore" Wow. Three instances of "was" in one sentence. Revise using stronger verbs.

Hmmm . . . perhaps you should talk more about how you finally overcame your fear of public speaking at the end.