admission award (art/music)

Brief statement about your financial need.

I am a grade 12 student working at a family business for 3 years. I work not only to gain money, but mostly to help my parents out. My parents pay for most of my needs and wants. Right now the economy isn't doing well, creating me to work less shifts and making it harder for us to live the life we used to live. As my brother recently moved out and attending university, my parents support my brother's funds and living as well as helping out my grandmother. I would want to help out my parents by applying for financial assistance, whether it is through scholarships or admission awards.

I have been active in school clubs or programs outside the classroom.
I have been active in school clubs such as Link Crew. I volunteered as a leader to encourage new comers to enjoy the school, toured them around the school and was someone to look up to. I was also in the café committee for a while, helping to gain more ideas to apply healthier food choices for the students eating in the café. In addition, every Tuesdays I would help out grade 9's after school, for those who did not know how to work the machines in the exercise room and work out with them.

I have contributed to my school and/or my community.
I have contributed to my community by helping my small growing church when ever there was 30 hour famine, and other small events to support for 3rd world countries and my church. I also contributed in school during cops for cancer and for other researches.

I have excelled in artistic activates.
I have excelled in music. I have done my grade 8 piano exam and both my rudiments theory. Right now I am working on my grade 9 and 10 piano.

I am a grade twelve student and an employee with three years of experience working at a family [what kind of?] business.

Right now the economy isn't doing well, creating a situation in which I am given fewer shifts to work and making it harder for us to live the life we used to live.

I would want to help out my parents by applying for financial assistance, whether it is through scholarships or admission awards.

I have been active in school clubs or programs outside the classroom. I have been active in school clubs such as Link Crew. I volunteered as a leader to encourage new comers to enjoy the school, toured them around the school and was someone to look up to. I was also in the café committee for a while, helping to gain more ideas to apply healthier food choices for the students eating in the café. In addition, every Tuesday I would help out grade nine students after school, for those who did not know how to work the machines in the exercise room and work out with them.

I have contributed to my school and/or my community.
I have contributed to my community by helping my small growing church whenever there was 30 hour famine, and other small events to support for 3rd world countries and my church. I also contributed in school during cops for cancer and for other researches.

I have excelled in artistic activates and music . I have done my grade 8 piano exam and both my rudiments theory. Right now I am working on my grade 9 and 10 piano.

What is this all about, anyway? It's to win a scholarship? I hope you have good luck!! What are the criteria that they base the awards on? What s this essay supposed to include. It ends sort of abruptly. It would be good if you introduce a main idea in the beginning, and then talk about it again at the end. Above, I tried to pull it together and tighten it up a bit.

thank you soo much kevin!
this is just a questionnaire. this is the criteria i guess...
!!Students are chosen to receive many of the University's admission awards on the basis of their academic standing alone. Some awards, however, have additional criteria. This questionnaire allows you to tell us more about yourself, so that we can determine if you meet the conditions for those awards.!!

so i just checked off boxes and wrote a brief statement. .. : )