Admissions Essay: How can Appalachian State help to reach your career goals...

Skim it...its long i know:)
Prompt: How can App State help to reach your career goals as well as your personal goals; why is Appalachian the college for you? 500 words max

Limiting goals is not what comes to mind when I think of my personal goals. Most people have a one track mind; they want to be doctors, lawyers, or teachers. I want to major in something that provides many options and opportunities. I want a college experience that introduces me gently into the "real world". Graduating from a reputable college is important to me. Appalachian State University can help me to achieve this.

Surrounding the college campus is a beautiful town. Enjoying college will not be hard with so much scenery and things to do. When college stress gets the better of me I will have many serene places to go visit. It's also a busy county, so internships and things of that nature shouldn't be hard to come across. Getting involved in work areas that are of interest to me will help to get a better understanding of how it will be.

Biology, and Pre -Medical is what I'm looking into, carefully, for my major. The medical field appeals to me because I want to have direct contact with people and their problems. I feel that is the best way I can be truly involved, and make a difference in their lives. Whether it is a Dermatologist or an Optometrist that I choose as my career, my education from Appalachian State will make an impact on my future and measure of success.

Exposure to different cultures and ways of living is essential in growing and expanding my perspective of the world. I believe ASU has a variety of ethnicities that can contribute to learning more about this. Getting involved is something I plan to do no matter what college I choose; this will help to learn about different cultures other than my own. However, having the variety of people that App offers will make it a lot easier to become more aware of the world surrounding me.

Having a personal relationship with professors and counselors was a criterion, while on the journey of finding the right college for me. Appalachian's student professor ratio is phenomenal and just what I am looking for. This again, shows another prominent reason why ASU is the college for me, and can aid me in reaching educational and personal goals.

I feel as though Appalachian would benefit from having me as a student because I have many qualities that make up a well rounded student. I was awarded the Leadership Award in 2006 by teachers. I've lettered twice in a Varsity sport, cheerleading. I have been apart of South Caldwell's dance team for two years. For four years I have been in Beta Club and have completed many service project hours. Being an A/B student and maintaining a high GPA is a requirement for being apart of Beta Club, I have done this for the past four years. Honors classes is not something I have limited myself to. If the class had an honors course, for the most part, I took part in it. I plan to be as prestigious and involved at ASU. I look forward to a great academic experience at Appalachian State University.

This is actually fun, citing the first 5 grammar errors and stopping.

1. Sentence 1: Limiting goals are* not what come* to mind when I think of my personal goals. I'm assuming that you meant "limiting" as an adjective based on the context. If not, or rather, because it's even possible you didn't mean it that way, it's also an error of ambiguity, but we'll try not to double count.

2. Sentence 4: "introduces me gently into" does not really work here. If you're going for metaphor, you'd be introduced to* not "into" the real world. If you're trying to describe this in a straightforward manner, you're falling short; it doesn't make sense.

3. Sentence 6: "to" is superfluous.
4. Sentence 8: "so much scenery and things to do" is incorrect. You have to use a modifier with "things to do", otherwise the sentence lacks parallelism and sense, and could be using "much" together with "things", probably the real error at issue here.

5. Sentence 9: "When college stress gets the better of me I will have many serene places to go visit.": I'll just simplify and point out the purposeless use of "go."

So there you have it lady, you made it through nine short sentences. If you have 45 sentences, safely assume 25 hard errors. If there are 90 sentences, you can expect at least 50 errors.

Thanks Mustafa! I'll pick up where you left off...

Biology and Pre -Medical are the courses of study I'm looking into, carefully, for my major. ---> I think it is more impressive if you are decisive! "I am turning my attention to the task of mastering the field of biology, because this will lay the foundation for my career in medicine." I think that is more impressive than "looking into."

Whether it is a Dermatologist or an Optometrist that I choose as my career, my education from Appalachian State will make... no!! I advise against this wishy washy approach. Focus on what you are sure about: being a physician. And I would recommend tentatively choosing a specialization and pretending to be resolute about it. Resoluteness is always more impressive than indecision.

Exposure to different cultures and ways of living is essential in growing and expanding my perspective of the world. I believe ASU has a variety of ethnicities that can contribute to learning more about this. Getting involved is something I plan to do no matter what college I choose; this will help to learn about different cultures other than my own. However, having the variety of people that App offers will make it a lot easier to become more aware of the world surrounding me.

Honors classes are not something to which I have limited myself.

Good luck!! Choose a specialty. The time is now. :-)