FSU admissions essay - i would really appriciate your advice. (rough draft)

PROMPT: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

The guidelines for Florida State for the past hundred years have been "Vires, Artes and Mores". All three of these words contain strong meaning and have all impacted my life in one or more ways. The most significant philisophical idea in my life is "Artes". I believe that i posess imense skill and creativity in the art of television production. When it comes down to this particular subject, i'm your girl. Being in this program for almost four years now, i have not only learned technique within my projects, but also the ability to communicate with my peers and the skill to incorporate those communication abilities into my everyday life.

Starting out freshmen year i learned basic camera manuevers and became quite familiar with the equiptment. It was a hands-on course, and it was always the one class i looked foward to going to. For obvious reasons, i signed up for television production my sophmore year as soon as possible. Second year students are responible for the morning news, which is broadcast to all 2500 students and faculty memebers, so it was a pretty big weight on our shoulders. It turned out to be one of the best experiences i've had throughtout my high school courses. I experienced every job from tape director to camera man to director. I also played the role of anchor, which i was nervous about at first but it built my confidence and broadened my horizons within the class.

Junior year would have to be the year i fell in love with the program ,so to speak. It ended up being a year based on the idea of us controlling everything. Scriptwriting, lighting, actors, and genre of story all up to us. Although the sudden freedom may have intimidated some students, i was up for the challenge and ready to shoot. This year was also made incredibly fun with the company of my older sister, who was a senior at the time. We knew eachothers strong points and weaknesses so we balanced one another out and cranked out some unforgettable projects and memories.

I built irreplacable friendships with my classmates and made projects i will never forget. As quickly as Junior year had ended it was time to choose classes for senior year, and a lot of my friends weren't taking television production their last year. They were more concerned about leaving school early and taking easy classes they could slack off in. I've never been one to follow a crowd, and i wasn't about to give up my favorite class in school. Although i have only recently begun my time as a year four student, i can tell it's going to be an amazing year filled with even more knowledge and closer friendships with people that share the same passion as myself.

I know that i would make an excellent addition to the FSU community, and it has always been a dream of mine to be a true Florida State Seminole.

Why do applicants insist on repeating what is in the question already?
Admissions does not need to know what the guidelines are for their own University.


You might want to spell things correctly.


Being in what program?


Capitalize "i" and search up the correct way to spell "equiptment".


Sophomore. I.


Reword.


Reword.


Weak Conclusion.

Your essay is more about Vires than Artes.

Stay away from contractions at all costs. i'm your girl
i've .

Also, never use to be verbs in any essay It turned out to be one of the best experiences i've had throughtout my high school courses . Either change the verb or reword the sentence