Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


"...If we were to admit one more student, why you?" - ISB admission essay



caprigaurav 2 / 4  
Aug 25, 2010   #1
Q. If we were to admit one more student to the class of 2012, make a compelling argument as to why that student should be you? (300 words max)

A. I love to try and implement new ideas. Be it packing my bags and go on a weekend trekking trip or joining swimming and guitar classes, I always seek and relish the tiniest opportunity to learn and upgrade myself with something new. This never quenching thirst for 'doing something new'(can we replace with - 'trying novel ideas'). keeps me prompt and innovative. I influence my environment with my ingenuity and inquisitiveness that exemplified in my team member coming up once with, an otherwise subtle, process improvement idea of mandatory duplex printing on network printers to save paper.

Professionally, I rate myself quite high on analytical ability, quantitative aptitude and technical prowess, but the qualities that uniquely set me apart are my leadership attributes, inter-personal skills and 'go-getter' attitude.

My leadership has always inspired team to go beyond the obvious and achieve the goals. In Oct-Nov 2007, at the time of sustained pressures to improve throughput, I motivated and led my 'Small Tactical CR' team, working for GE. to emerge as the winners with delivery of an overwhelming 22 Change Requests. My GE manager, sponsored dinner for whole team, appreciating my leadership, and termed our team as one of the most gelled and motivated teams he had ever worked with.

In Aug 2008, I got an opportunity at TCS to manage Data Center Move project for GE. Executed from USA, UK, Europe and India, this project had 2 major challenges - ensuring thorough communication and building sense of trust and support among the members of this 'virtual team'. Pressures of demanding requirements and stringent timelines sometimes even resulted into serious altercations among team members. Eventually, we successfully achieved on-time project delivery. GE awarded me an 'Appreciation Certificate', commending my contributions towards maintaining team's cohesiveness, in spite of all the challenges.

My further professional stints, while working in 3 different countries, enhanced my skills related to leadership and multicultural & multinational environments, which I can leverage through ISB International Club, and benefit my class. I strongly believe that with my experience, skills and attitude, I would be an asset to the next class of ISB

Q2. What are your short term and long term goals? How will the ISB help you achieve the same?

A. In the short run I see myself working as a Senior Associate in consulting firms like McKinsey & Company, BCG and KPMG. Here I will be responsible for handling mid-sized portfolios in the technology services realm across Asian or European geographies. The core of my work will revolve around partnering with my clients and enabling them to explore new business opportunities, make strategic decisions and develop solutions that deliver on their goals. Learning gained in this tenure will enable me to achieve my long-term goal - to establish a venture capital firm, where, I will evaluate, fund, incubate and grow small technology companies in the emerging economies. In this position as an "entrepreneur behind entrepreneurs" I will work towards developing nascent business opportunities in the technology space. As a member on the board of these portfolio companies I will shape the "Googles" and "Apples" of tomorrow.

In my career, I have acquired technical know-how to evaluate ideas and solve problems, hands-on experience in creating and managing businesses, and the gut to critically analyze a business opportunity. However, there still are gaps in my business training that prevent me from reaching to the next stage. ISB's focus on emerging economies and its strong alliances with industry leaders across the globe will foster realization of my long term goals with a strong foundation in management, business knowledge and industry relations. Hands-on experience in consulting-projects and various Leadership development opportunities through 'Leadership Development Programme' (LDP) and 'Entrepreneurship & VC Club' will provide me necessary business acumen and abilities to become a better consultant and an efficient leader, leading culturally diverse teams in most challenging environments. Electives, in the concentrations of Entrepreneurship and Information & Technology Management will help me handle my post-MBA positions with efficacy, and will ensure a prompt growth towards my goals.

ershad193 14 / 321  
Aug 25, 2010   #2
Essay 1

I influence my environment with ...

It is not clear how you influenced your team member. Hence, the preceding words "ingenuity" and "inquisitiveness" are sounding like baseless assertions.

Professionally, I rate myself quite high ...

Don't make claims you cannot substantiate in the essay.

my leadership attributes, inter-personal skills and 'go-getter' attitude.

Although, you make an effort to back up these, you don't do it properly. That's because you go on listing 2-3 achievements, and thus you are left with no room to elaborate on them.

My suggestion would be to select one achievement and talk extensively on that one. Moreover, instead of making assertions, you just explain how you carried out that particular project; how you met the deadlines...you know stuff like that.

Let the AOs decide themselves what qualities set you apart.

Essay 2

I love your first paragraph. It is so specific. Good job!

ISB's focus on emerging economies and its strong ...

This is a long sentence. If possible, break it up into two.
[quote=caprigaurav]Hands-on experience in consulting-projects and various Leadership .../quote]
This is another one. An AO reading scores of essays in one sitting won't appreciate such convoluted sentences.

Overall this is a good essay :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Aug 27, 2010   #3
Look at how much better a sentence becomes when you remove unhelpful details:
I am an individual full of enthusiasm, and confidence. ---without the meaningless mention ofb being an individual, it is so much bolder and more forthright.

This does not work:
I have always --------->wish to continue the same in future.
Do this:
I have always tried to be a trendsetter rather than a trend follower, and I intend to continue to set trends in the future.

My further professional stints in India, Canada and Germany (no comma necessary here) enhanced my skills related...

:-)
In the intro para, say something about setting trends in your chosen field. In the conclusion, mention this theme of setting trends one last time so that the reader remembers it.


Home / Undergraduate / "...If we were to admit one more student, why you?" - ISB admission essay
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳