This is my first time to writing an admission essay.I will appreciate any suggestion and comment. Thank you!
My interest in advertising came from an advertisement that I have seen several years ago. It is an advertisement for McDonald's, in which a man drives into the drive-thru at night to buy a muffin and a cup of coffee, but he doesn't stop the car, instead, he keep driving around the restaurant and murmuring his order. The waitress was wondering why he is doing so until she sees a little baby lying and sound sleeping on the back seat. Then she lowers her voice and starts getting pieces of his order as every time he passes the microphone. After five rounds without a stop, the man drives away with his order contently and the baby is still sound sleeping. In this advertisement, McDonald's thoughtful service is showed everywhere and it inspires me to make a touching advertisement like that.
After reading several advertising books, I have known that advertisement is a way of marketing which various and comprehensive abilities are needed, and those abilities are actually what I lack of. So I decided to engage in advertising studying or in a relative field. Before I am capable of pursuing my career, I need to push myself hard to absorb knowledge and develop skills. Additionally, serving internship in real advertising agency is necessary for job-seeking. I hope after graduate, I can speak to myself that I am good enough to be an advertiser.
Apart from studying, I hope I could live a real college life, getting involved in diverse activities and making bunches of friends. I always have this dream to see the world outside my own, and I want to prove that I am strong enough to live by myself. Becoming a true grownup is what I am going to be When I finish college.
As to personal interests, since I am living in a small city, usually, I like riding around the city and exploring it, to check out what is new in town. Whenever I am on the street, my eyes involuntarily fall upon the advertisement boards, in which I see recent innovations and change, or the décor of a store that tells me what the store is selling. During holidays or long vacations, I would like to go on a travel to a metropolitan city like shanghai where I can feel the extraordinary world and hope my someday I could develop my career in a place like this, or to visit natural scenery where I can empty my mind, enjoy the freedom, and get myself refreshed.
What I love about advertising is recommending and sharing. I will not recommend things before I have tried. When I recommend something to my friends, I want them to share the enjoyment that it will bring to them. Moreover, each time I recommending, I am advertising. I like to try different new things, and share to people.
Thank you very much~~
You show signs of real enthusiasm. I find it very good.
Thank you,is there anything need to correct?
After reading several advertising books, I have known that advertisement is a way of marketing which various and comprehensive abilities are needed, and those abilities are actually what I lack of.
know or I have learned
So I decided to engage in advertising studying or in a relative field
studies , or studying advertising
develop my skills
Additionally, serving internship in a real advertising agency is necessary for job-seeking. I hope after graduation , I will be good enough to be an advertiser.
I always have this dream to see the world outside my own, and I want to prove that I am strong enough to live by myself.
I've always dreamed about seeing...
Becoming a true grownup is what I am going to be When I finish college.
I would rephrase it.
As tofor personal interests, since I live in a small town , usually, I like riding around the city and exploring it, to checking out what is new in there
Whenever I am on the street, my eyes involuntarily fall upon the advertisement boards, in which I see recent innovations and change, or the décor of a store that tells me what the store is selling.
During holidays or long vacations, I would like to go on a travel to a metropolitan city like shanghai where I could feel an extraordinary world and hope my someday I could pursue my career in a place like this, or to visit a natural scenery where I could empty my mind, enjoy the freedom, and get myself refreshed.
I will not recommend things before I have tried them .
Moreover, each time I am recommending, I am advertising.
I like to try different new things, and share with people.
Becoming a true grownup is what I am going to be When I finish college.
- might wanna rephrase that! Sound awkward.
Since its an admissions paper, you might want to talk more about yourself and less about how you would advertise a product. If you think about, you are "selling" yourself to the college of your choice. You are not trying to sell a product so tell the reader more about your achievements and avigations in life. This will help make you a better candidate.
