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"Not many African Americans are known for their past achievements" - event


Socon 1 / 1  
Sep 19, 2010   #1
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

"Not many African Americans are known for their achievements after they pass away." After reading that sentence out loud to an audience, I somehow gained newfound confidence in myself. It was towards the end of seventh grade when I was nominated to manifest and present an essay for Black History Month. For someone as shy as me at the time, this was the worst possible scenario which I subtly refused. However, I should have known that I was already participating when I accidentally told my parents.

Even though I didn't want to partake in the contest, I still had the innate desire to win. Every day after finishing my homework, I would work on the essay a little bit until I soon decided I had had enough. The essay topic was mundane in my opinion, I was terrified speaking to an audience, and I had other "important" things to be doing. When I started going to bed earlier, my parents figured out that I had stopped working on the essay and of course were disappointed in me. They wanted me to stay in the contest and we had a disagreement. In the midst of the argument, I realized an important point my dad had made. "This is to prepare you for your future. In the real world you will always be in these types of situations whether you want to or not. It's just up to you decide what to make of it." These sentences really made me think about what I was about to do, and the night of that skirmish, I decided to continue working on the essay.

With only a few paragraphs done and a couple of days left until the contest, I worked earnestly on the essay until I felt it perfected. With each revision I was beginning to feel more and more confident that I could actually win the contest. On the day of the contest, I was feeling pretty good about myself and wasn't nervous at all. In fact, even though there were kids from other schools there, I sat in jittery anticipation of my turn. Once my classmates, who were also selected to come up with an essay, presented, it was finally my turn. I walked up to the podium and instantly my mind became more frantic than a gnat flying around a lamp. "What am I thinking," and "Maybe I could say my throat hurts," were only a couple of the thoughts coming to mind. Then I remembered that not saying anything was just as embarrassing and that I didn't go through all this trouble just to quit. So I decided to just do my best and let it end with that.

After turning in my essay, I found out I won first place in my school. It was surreal because I was so panic-stricken that my essay would be horrible, I didn't realize just how good it was. That essay taught me that whether I am in a familiar situation or on my first day at the University of Florida, to always have confidence in myself and in everything I do.

How is my essay? What can I work on? Do you think I can use it for other college applications?

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Sep 21, 2010   #2
"Not many African Americans are known for their achievements after they pass away." After reading that sentence out loud to an audience, I somehow gained newfound confidence in myself.

This is an intriguing intro. I would do this, though: out loud aloud

...as shy as I was at t he time, this was...

In the midst of the argument, I realized an important point my dad had made. "This is to prepare you for your future. In the real world you will always be in these types of situations whether you want to or not. ----very good. Impressive words by him, and also, it is impressive that you were able to concede a point in argument. I know people who can't do that!

:-)

...to always have confidence in myself and in everything I do.----I think you have something more to say. Anyone could advise, "Have confidence," but you are saying something more... something about the way to regulate your mind.
OP Socon 1 / 1  
Sep 25, 2010   #3
thank you very much and if there are any other things to work out, please let me know. :)


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