Describe the world you come from (for example, your family, school, community, city, or town).
How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
*225 words or fewer"
Do we need death to live a meaningful life? Although this question remains unanswered, it is very clear there is one problem in our society. We age and decay. Our bodies fail us. Ever since I was 11 I've wanted to stop aging. But, I live in Mauritius, and at first glance it seems like a paradise but when you move here from Silicon Valley you notice a lot of things are missing. There is no Amazon, no Uber etc... In the rainy season there might be no lettuce or tomatoes for weeks. The last Mauritian Math Olympiad was in 2002. There are few extracurricular opportunities, so I've had to look for my own, and create my own. This meant taking online classes during the summer around midnight because of time change. With no physical tools at my disposition I eventually discovered programming and after a few years machine learning. Programming allowed me to interact with the world beyond my small island. Despite my distance I could code with my uncle who was on the opposite side of the planet! I believe that combining machine learning with biology will lead to revolutionary discoveries in the field of anti-aging. I've had to create my own opportunities on the island which has been a great gift and has given me an entrepreneurial view of my dream. This is how my small island affected my big dreams.
This is my essay but I feel like it doesn't flow, and when I read other people's essay I feel like they communicate so much more about them but I don't see that in this one. Please help! Thanks!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,217 4648
The problem is that you are using multiple reference points to respond to the prompt. What you should do is decide which aspect of your background you want to introduce to the reader. Pick an influential aspect that would help the screener better understand how you grew up and why it had to be that way. Do not confuse yourself.
Read what you have here. There is a reference to a fascination with death. Which has no connection with your interest in Coding. The problems just snowball from there. These reference topics are not related to the writing requirement. These do not represent your family, community, or town. Based on these references, you have 3 personality aspects to choose from for the presentation. Choose between being a child (personal development), community, town, or city (volunteer service), or as a student and classmate (school).
Thanks for the feedback, what I was trying to get at with my essay was I live on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere and because of that I've had to look for my own opportunities, I also discovered coding because of it since coding allowed me to interact with the world from a distance. I guess it didn't come off like that...