Alleviating the pain in others; Johns Hopkins: Why did you pick this major?

imbue 6 / 24

Dec 28, 2012 #1

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

I selected biology as my major.

As children, we understand that once you put a band aid over a wound, it seems to mysteriously feel instantly better regardless of whether or not the pain has actually gone away. I have always been interested in understanding and alleviating the pain that others are in, and actually healing the wound beneath the bandage. Over the years, this had led me to pursue internships in oncology laboratories, shadow dermatologists, and observe surgeries. For me, the journey I have taken so far in exploring the width and depth of the medical field is out of my interest to heal not the world, but individuals. In times of need, everyone needs a person to help guide him/her, and in time, I hope to be that physician who will help and ask their patients to persevere, fight through, and never give up.

However, this is a task that I cannot complete on my own. From Rachel Carson to Andrew Fire, the successful graduates of Johns Hopkins highlight the great history of its biology programs. Recent breakthroughs such as advances in leukemia treatment and research on stroke complications show how innovative its programs are now. Johns Hopkins has an exceptional past and present, and I want to be part of its future. I hope that the biology programs at Johns Hopkins will embrace my passion in medicine and biology, and will help me fulfill my dream of making a difference in the lives of others.

Please give me feedback on what you think I can change or fix, and do not be afraid to be blunt!

ding377 1 / 29

Dec 28, 2012 #2

Wow, really good essay! If there's something you want to change, you could try making it more personal. Was there a specific event that inspired you to study medicine? You may not have enough room for that, though. If you need to, I think you can omit the last paragraph. Even though it's really good, it doesn't tell Johns Hopkins a lot about why you're choosing bio as your major. Good luck!

OP imbue 6 / 24

Dec 28, 2012 #3

Thanks for the feedback, and in response to your question, I don't actually feel as if there was something specific that led me to being interested in biology/medicine, hence why this essay is so much less personal than I'd like it to be. Knowing this, do you have any suggestions as to how I can make it seem more personal? Thanks! :)

admission2012 - / 475

Dec 28, 2012 #4

Hello,

You are applying to Johns Hopkins for bio....how many of the exact same essay responses do you think they will receive? Answer: thousands! There is absolutely nothing unique about your response here. Everyone will state the "heal the world" verbiage. You need to inject passion and resolve throughout this essay. The internship is a good start but other than that, this essay is a clear flat-line Dead on Arrival. With 100% certainty, I can state that this essay will do you no favors in terms of enhancing your chances for admissions to JHU for a major in bio. - AAO/final-check

Hope this helps

nayelojello 5 / 37

Dec 28, 2012 #5

I feel like you should make this about you, you need to add a personal aspect in this essay. some thing that will distinguish you.

OP imbue 6 / 24

Dec 28, 2012 #6

I suppose I am trying to say that I admire the compassion of doctors and aspire to become one so that I can inspire an individual, does that not come out clear enough? Should I add more about that?