Hi, this is my Dartmouth supplement to the prompt: tell us about an intellectual experience, either directly related to your schoolwork or not, that you found particularly meaningful. This is my first draft.
Questions: Is it fitting for the prompt? How can I make it better? What qualities does it showcase about me? Thank you so much, I appreciate all constructive criticism
It was a three-day weekend and I wanted to visit a friend at Cal. Already being in the Bay Area, I asked my brother if he would be willing drive me there. Because driving around Berkeley, a bustling city, on a Saturday is anything but fun, my brother flat out refused to drive me - even after I had offered to give him gas money and to buy him dinner. I had two options remaining: stay at his apartment and wallow or take the Amtrak to Berkeley alone.
I was more nervous than excited because it was the first time I had gone somewhere alone. Sure, I've been in the snack aisle at Bel Air without my mom, I've taken long walks to the park without a buddy, and I've driven off and gotten lost in a friend's neighborhood. But, in this case, I was truly alone; I no longer had a parent or sibling to chime in my ear, nor did I know where I was going. I was a small town girl in an unfamiliar city surrounded by complete strangers.
My brother dropped me off at the Santa Clara Amtrak Station and right as he drove off, I realized that Amtrak tickets could only be purchased with a credit card. I had a wad of cash in my pocket and no way to use it. Then, I glanced down at my phone and saw 10% of my battery remaining. My palms started to get sweaty, my stomach churned, and my legs became noodles. Oh shoot, what do I do now? Quickly, I turned to the nearest stranger and asked if they would buy my ticket on my behalf if I gave them cash. It turned out to be a good decision; my ticket was bought. But, I was still feeling flustered. Things had already slipped downhill, would my situation get worse?
The train was jam-packed with weekend commuters and I happened to find myself sitting next to a young woman. She wore a red long sleeved shirt, blue faded jeans, and a black backpack. I immediately noticed her dark, tight curls and olive skin. She looked older than I was, but had a kind-looking face. At first, it was awkward. The air was filled with silence and my apprehension. The first ten minutes of the train ride, I was thinking to myself how dreadful the next hour was going to be. Eventually, small talk came in the form of, "where are you from?" And soon, the conversation was running like a river. I learned that she was traveling from Stanford University back to her workplace. She was a postdoctoral computer science researcher from UC Davis; she was raised in Bahrain, but was born in India; she came to America for graduate school. Basically, I was just thinking woah, that's so cool. Surprisingly, the marriage of our separate worlds was one with mutual fascination and curiosity. We filled in those two hours, stop after stop, talking about her job, artificial intelligence, the mechanics of time in language, and religion. I had completely nerded out with an absolute stranger and it was awesome. I wasn't thinking about how terrible the ride would be anymore - I was enjoying it for what it was.
I lost track of time. And when the train arrived at my destination, Berkeley, I almost didn't want to get off. I felt I made a profound connection with this individual, and sadly, I didn't even get her name. Nothing. No Facebook, no Twitter, no phone number, no residence hall I could refer to if I ever visited UC Davis. It was an abrupt divorce. The walk to the UC Berkeley campus was almost cathartic - was that even real?
I boarded the train and left it feeling a bit different, maybe even a little wiser. I wouldn't have been able to have such an experience if I hadn't abandoned my comfort zone. Had I been riding with my brother in the car, I wouldn't have met her or even mustered up the courage to ask a stranger for a favor. The encounter was more romantic than anything. I met a perfect stranger. Connected with them. And left with no strings attached. In my memory, she remains the nice, interesting lady I met on the train, untainted by an identity or the chance for me to scour through her personal life with social media. Instead, everything else about her is left to my imagination, to wonder.
I think some of us may crave these types of romantic, random encounters - as my friends had expressed to me when I told them of my experience. But, we usually don't put ourselves in situations that allow us to. Or maybe, we don't want to at all. Obviously, I didn't want to ride the train alone. I, myself, am averse to the idea of being lonely - feeling awkward by myself, potentially being vulnerable to my own thoughts. However, I now know that being alone doesn't equate loneliness, and it can allow me to experience this randomness, this novelty, this perfect stranger on the train. I wouldn't be able to tell this story if I didn't decide to go alone that day.
When I told my brother about the experience he asked me, "It may have been weird at first. But after, didn't you feel a sense of freedom? Adventure, perhaps? Wasn't it just better to experience things by yourself for once? No mom, dad, or me to bicker in your ear or influence how you act?"
The answer to all of these questions is yes. As a future college student, the prospect of being on my own in the future scares me a bit. However, I'll have to face independence - no matter how I feel about it. I think being alone will be the first step to actually experiencing the world for what it is and meeting new people. To me, this is how life can be thrilling. Why not seek out for novelty? Especially if it can serve as a means for gaining more insight about myself. I don't need anyone to feel complete about myself. It took a day's worth of adventure for me to finally believe this. Believe it. To me, being alone encompasses a potential adventure and it isn't always a bad thing.
Questions: Is it fitting for the prompt? How can I make it better? What qualities does it showcase about me? Thank you so much, I appreciate all constructive criticism
It was a three-day weekend and I wanted to visit a friend at Cal. Already being in the Bay Area, I asked my brother if he would be willing drive me there. Because driving around Berkeley, a bustling city, on a Saturday is anything but fun, my brother flat out refused to drive me - even after I had offered to give him gas money and to buy him dinner. I had two options remaining: stay at his apartment and wallow or take the Amtrak to Berkeley alone.
I was more nervous than excited because it was the first time I had gone somewhere alone. Sure, I've been in the snack aisle at Bel Air without my mom, I've taken long walks to the park without a buddy, and I've driven off and gotten lost in a friend's neighborhood. But, in this case, I was truly alone; I no longer had a parent or sibling to chime in my ear, nor did I know where I was going. I was a small town girl in an unfamiliar city surrounded by complete strangers.
My brother dropped me off at the Santa Clara Amtrak Station and right as he drove off, I realized that Amtrak tickets could only be purchased with a credit card. I had a wad of cash in my pocket and no way to use it. Then, I glanced down at my phone and saw 10% of my battery remaining. My palms started to get sweaty, my stomach churned, and my legs became noodles. Oh shoot, what do I do now? Quickly, I turned to the nearest stranger and asked if they would buy my ticket on my behalf if I gave them cash. It turned out to be a good decision; my ticket was bought. But, I was still feeling flustered. Things had already slipped downhill, would my situation get worse?
The train was jam-packed with weekend commuters and I happened to find myself sitting next to a young woman. She wore a red long sleeved shirt, blue faded jeans, and a black backpack. I immediately noticed her dark, tight curls and olive skin. She looked older than I was, but had a kind-looking face. At first, it was awkward. The air was filled with silence and my apprehension. The first ten minutes of the train ride, I was thinking to myself how dreadful the next hour was going to be. Eventually, small talk came in the form of, "where are you from?" And soon, the conversation was running like a river. I learned that she was traveling from Stanford University back to her workplace. She was a postdoctoral computer science researcher from UC Davis; she was raised in Bahrain, but was born in India; she came to America for graduate school. Basically, I was just thinking woah, that's so cool. Surprisingly, the marriage of our separate worlds was one with mutual fascination and curiosity. We filled in those two hours, stop after stop, talking about her job, artificial intelligence, the mechanics of time in language, and religion. I had completely nerded out with an absolute stranger and it was awesome. I wasn't thinking about how terrible the ride would be anymore - I was enjoying it for what it was.
I lost track of time. And when the train arrived at my destination, Berkeley, I almost didn't want to get off. I felt I made a profound connection with this individual, and sadly, I didn't even get her name. Nothing. No Facebook, no Twitter, no phone number, no residence hall I could refer to if I ever visited UC Davis. It was an abrupt divorce. The walk to the UC Berkeley campus was almost cathartic - was that even real?
I boarded the train and left it feeling a bit different, maybe even a little wiser. I wouldn't have been able to have such an experience if I hadn't abandoned my comfort zone. Had I been riding with my brother in the car, I wouldn't have met her or even mustered up the courage to ask a stranger for a favor. The encounter was more romantic than anything. I met a perfect stranger. Connected with them. And left with no strings attached. In my memory, she remains the nice, interesting lady I met on the train, untainted by an identity or the chance for me to scour through her personal life with social media. Instead, everything else about her is left to my imagination, to wonder.
I think some of us may crave these types of romantic, random encounters - as my friends had expressed to me when I told them of my experience. But, we usually don't put ourselves in situations that allow us to. Or maybe, we don't want to at all. Obviously, I didn't want to ride the train alone. I, myself, am averse to the idea of being lonely - feeling awkward by myself, potentially being vulnerable to my own thoughts. However, I now know that being alone doesn't equate loneliness, and it can allow me to experience this randomness, this novelty, this perfect stranger on the train. I wouldn't be able to tell this story if I didn't decide to go alone that day.
When I told my brother about the experience he asked me, "It may have been weird at first. But after, didn't you feel a sense of freedom? Adventure, perhaps? Wasn't it just better to experience things by yourself for once? No mom, dad, or me to bicker in your ear or influence how you act?"
The answer to all of these questions is yes. As a future college student, the prospect of being on my own in the future scares me a bit. However, I'll have to face independence - no matter how I feel about it. I think being alone will be the first step to actually experiencing the world for what it is and meeting new people. To me, this is how life can be thrilling. Why not seek out for novelty? Especially if it can serve as a means for gaining more insight about myself. I don't need anyone to feel complete about myself. It took a day's worth of adventure for me to finally believe this. Believe it. To me, being alone encompasses a potential adventure and it isn't always a bad thing.
