"Alzheimer" QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS - JHU major essay

This is my JHU essay on the topic:

"Alzheimer." I opened the piece of paper where I had secretly scribbled this word.

During those 30 long minutes, that was the only word I could guess was important since it was repeated so often. Unfortunately I could neither catch the meaning of the doctor's analysis, nor translate something useful from the worried expressions of my parents. I was desperate for an answer.

Infinite "why"s did I ask to myself for a long time... I could not understand why my grandmother would sometimes forget my name. - I anxiously typed the word "Alzheimer" in my search engine. - I was not able to explain why she would start a sentence and then suddenly interrupt herself, unable to continue her thoughts. - My insecure finger pressed the "Enter" button in my keyboard. - Nobody could give me a plausible answer, so I was left alone in the midst of fears and assumptions. - I clicked to the first result of the list in my computer screen. - Now I wanted to find out.

At the time I was twelve years old. Now I am seventeen: older, wiser, more mature. Today I understand what Einstein meant when he said that everything is relative. Those 45 minutes practically seem years when I have to solve relativity problems for my Physics class, while they pass as a gentle, brain-refreshing breeze when I am emerged in those truly beautiful class discussions in Biology. During four years of Biology classes throughout high-school, I have experienced the excitement of discovering things that hooked me, the possibility to provide answers to many questions and a natural curiosity to find out even more. I have run through the centuries and millenniums to discover humans' origins; I have discovered what hides within a single drop of blood; I have slipped by the double helix to decode life. It is ironic, however, that even now I am not able to fully answer my childhood question.

What are the neural causes of Alzheimer disease? How can it be treated? Moreover, why do we dream? What are the emotions? How are the memories stored? It is surprising that science, with its galloping techniques, has got no answer to these questions, yet. This simple fact, instead of holding me back, motivates me. My curiosity and thirst for knowledge always recharge me. They lead me into a never-ending series of why-s that form a seemingly vicious circle. With every answer I give, I am a step closer to the depths of life where science hasn't arrived yet...

I am excited about how much there is yet to be discovered, but, truthfully, what I am most excited about is how important these discoveries would be for the people. People. I love people. They are my inspiration: my grandmother, my family, my friends, my world is made out of them. I once thought that I had one foot in sciences and one in humanities and that I would eventually have to make a choice between the two. Today I have realized I have already made my choice - wonderful enough to blend my two inclinations in a perfect direction: Neuroscience. I am thrilled by the possibility to discover and to make a change in people's lives. I am ready to put all myself in this mission, but I know that in order to achieve it, I will have to be mentored by a top University in my chosen field. This is an issue whose answer I have found: Johns Hopkins. Now, I believe that Johns Hopkins will help me find all the other answers I am looking for...

Please edit/cut it mercilessly. Thank you :)

During four years of Biology classes throughout high-school I have experienced the excitement of discovering things that hooked me, the possibility to provide answers to many questions and a natural curiosity to find out even more. It is ironic though, that even now I am not able to answer fully my childhood question.

-maybe give a few examples? what hooked you?

Yet. This simple fact, in stead of holding me back, motivates me.
-I would get rid of the . after Yet
Yet, this simple fact, instead of holding me back, motivates me
also, instead is 1 word

overall, i like the essay and your style of writing a lot.

good luck with colleges!

Hi, thank you for your feedback. :)
Actually the "yet" i have used is in another meaning:
"It is surprising that science with its galloping techniques has got no answer to these questions. Yet."
I have linked the word "Yet" with the previous sentence to say that now there is no answer but there WILL be one. i hope that is not confusing...

oh i see.
i think it would be better to tack it on the sentence with a comma because "Yet." is not a complete sentence

I am ready to put all myself in this mission but I know that in order to achieve it, I will have to be mentored by a top University in my chosen field.

This sounds weird, just readjust the letters and you'll have it done perfectly.
The essay is really good. I enjoyed it. Shum mir me e gjet eshe mi shqiptar tjeter qe osht me te njejten situat!

Hope you get addmited!

Thank you for reading it! I really hope you get admitted too :D

poisonivy

Could you read the essay I just posted. I't not complete yet but I'm not sure if its good or not :S. I'm really confused about it. It would be helpful if you could shed some light on it.

I like your writing, really.
it flows well and i can see your passion through your writing.

Good luck!

I want to submit this essay asap so please help me with a final overview? Thank you!

I'm returning the favor! yay! A lot of these are personal tweaks. by all means please feel free to use or not use my suggestions.

as far as grammar goes - you're in the clear by my eyes:)


I don't quite like the structure of this sentence. It was somewhat of a "clunky" sentence when I gave it a read, in that it stopped the fluidity.


eliminate the moreover. There is a great parallel structure progression with the questions and the moreover breaks the smoothness.


i thought that was a bit unnecessary and odd? as well


this is an "empty assertion" i don't know how you came to this conclusion. and this seems to be one of those vital statements. Frankly all i know is that you've studied biology and feel particularly drawn to the subject, and Alzheimer's is a example from which I can see that you truly would love to study neuroscience. i like the direction that you've elected to end your essay with, however i hate to say, i don't understand it with as much clarity as i'd like.


clarify who all the others are perhaps? at first read I thought your were writing of ... all the other prospective students too :)

enjoy!
P.S. I'm right with you! a few more tweaks then submit - yikes!

@ekfoong
With "all the other answers I'm looking for", what I am doing is practically refer back to the fact I mentioned before:"It is ironic, however, that even now I am not able to fully answer my childhood question." and to all the other questions I list afterward.

About the part: "I once thought that I had one foot in sciences and one in humanities and that I would eventually have to make a choice between the two. Today I have realized I have already made my choice - wonderful enough to blend my two inclinations in a perfect direction: Neuroscience." I have said that because earlier in the paragraph I mentioned that I do all that because I love people - which has to do with humanities. So the mix of science (that i talked about during all the previous paragraphs - biology) and humanities (love for people), lead me to Neuroscience. I hope its clear now (otherwise I guess I have made a mess)

Thank you very much for your feedback. Hope we both get admitted! :)

I feel like an idiot :) that was a dumb question and i'm sorry for putting you through the confusion of having to answer that. haha! I didn't go to sleep last night (stress induced insomnia) so that's the excuse for that slip up!

anyways about the latter "...Neuroscience..." statement. I guess I don't equate love for people with humanities necessarily, if you get what I'm saying. I always perceived humanities were a study of the arts and social studies and not just "love of people"? if that makes sense. but I can see it now. :)

Oh, I get what you mean...I guess i have used the word "humanities" in the meaning human professions - dealing a lot with people.

This may be not correct, just my point of view :)

Thanks for looking at my essay!

"It is surprising that science, with itsgalloping techniques , has got no answer to these questions, yet."
Do you mean galloping advances in techniques? Because techniques usually don't gallop.

"I am excited about how much there is yet to be discovered, but, truthfully, what I am most excited about is how important these discoveries would be for the people. People. I love people."

This particular part seems very repetitive simply because the word people is used so many times in succession. I suggest rewording it. But if you want to keep it like that I also suggest putting the word people by it's lonesome. To make it stand out more to the reader.

"I am excited about how much there is yet to be discovered, but, truthfully, what I am most excited about is how important these discoveries would be for the people.

People.

I love people... "

I hope I helped! Good luck!

PS: Also, is the title appropriate?

Please check my essay! Have to submit it now. I'll def. help you with yours! :)

i really like this essay! it flows very well, and i definitely think you get your point across. just a few minor suggestions..

My insecure finger pressed the "Enter" button on my keyboard.

Now I am seventeen-- older, wiser, more mature.

During my four years of Biology classes throughout high school,

I have run through the centuries and millenniums to discover humans' origins

It is surprising that science, with its galloping advance in techniques, has found no answer to these questions, yet.

With every answer I give, I am a step closer to the depths of life where science has yet to arrive ...

I am ready to wholly devote myself to this mission

hope that helps! good luck!

Thanks Hanna! Any other suggestions, please? I have to submit it in few hours.

Your essay is really good. It explains exactly why you chose your field of study!
I have heard that sometimes it's good to end your essay where you start off from, so maybe you might want to include your grandmother at the end...if that makes any sense

But your point is clearly conveyed and uniquely crafted!

good job!

The essay is really good, however, you may want to use a little more carefully chose transitions. As I was reading it, I found that the paragraphs didn't connect really well with each other, so you need to make sure they flow a little better.

"At that time I was twelve years old." I think it would sound better with "that" than "the" because you use "now" as the beginning of the next sentence.

"hasn't arrived yet..." don't use contractions.

"People. I love people. They are my inspiration: my grandmother, my family, my friends - my world is made out of them." lol I like this sentences.

Good ending, but I agree with swimsweet, you may want to use your grandmother at the end, but it still sounds really great now.

Good luck!!

thanks guys! I just submit them :)