Alzheimer's unit. Guidance needed in editing peace corps motivation statement

Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (up to 500 words).

peace corps challenge

Working at age fourteen in an Alzheimer's unit I though would be the most challenging thing I would do, I was not a patient person nor did I care to work with the elderly and here I am over ten years later still working with the elderly and those affected by Alzheimer's and have so much happiness from my work. Most importantly I learned patience, which has proven to be an important trait while traveling and living abroad. Patience will be needed in serving the Peace Corps when learning a new language, getting food, water, understanding the culture and more.

Challenges in serving can range from feelings of isolation at times or homesick, living under adverse circumstances in not having a proper washroom with running water. Times in which these issues may frustrate me leave me feeling empty or alone and yet there will be those good days in which I organize youth activates in my free time playing sports or a craft day in which I will find all of this worth it.

I know I can handle these challenges today because of the experiences I have had growing up working in Alzheimer's units to traveling and living abroad. One travel I took alone to eastern turkey where I stayed with a generous family who spoke no English for two weeks; they ate very different foods, their toilet was outside squat toilet and they prayed five times a day. I helped prepare meals with them, minded the children while they prayed and in the evenings they taught me how to do traditional Turkish dancing. During this time it was one of my first times going without internet or phone, no English and I felt alone isolated and still I look back at this experience so delighted to have had the opportunity to stay with them and learn about their culture.

There is this challenge that comes with traveling and living abroad and in different parts of America, to learn how to adapt to new cultures, the languages and to the food. In the past year and half living in Israel I have realized that language is not the biggest obstacle in overcoming it is also communicating through active listening.

When participating in a course on mediation and facilitation I really worked on communication skills which I had to work hard on becoming better in truly listening to what people have to say, to rephrase what they have said and with this communicating has become more efficient and I believe with more practice will only get better.

Through my travels to many different countries and living in Russia and Israel I have gained so many new skills such as listening, communicating, and continued work on being patient as well as stepping back and seeing situations in different perspectives than my own.

I know the peace crops will be challenging in so many ways, and I know today I am ready for those challenges physically, mentally, intellectually and emotionally.

Working at age fourteen in an Alzheimer's unit I ...
At age fourteen, I thought that working in an Alzheimer's unit would be the most challenging thing I would ever do.

... of isolation at times or homesick homesickness

During this time it was one of my first times ...
It was one of the first times that I had ever been without the Internet or my phone

... on mediation and facilitation add comma I really worked on communication ...

I know the peace cropscorps will be challenging ...

Hi Mimi, I don't think this is the best essay for what you are applying for. I have not seen any valid reason why you want to join the peace corps and how you will overcome the challenges that will present itself. You just used your word count writing about your experience abroad which does not in anyway reflect or agree with the essay. I must say that the only valid part of your essay I paid much attention to read is the part where you wrote about communication and how you listened to the people you met abroad, but for that paragraph to work well, include that as challenges you will overcome and don't forget the how.

Revise your essay and focus on why you want to join the peace corps and let it be solid and also dont forget how you will overcome the challenges ahead. Think it through and write something solid. I hope to read that soon. Once we have your essay in the right direction we will then work on your grammar.

Mimi, as a peace corps volunteer, you need to be able to show an attitude of selflessness and ability to adjust to difficult times. The times that you depict in the essay do not work for this purpose because of one main consideration. You know that you are only staying there for a few days or a few weeks then you are going home. As a peace corps volunteer, you will be staying in the most inhumane conditions for 2 years, with little to no money to help sustain you during this period. Your essay does not show that you are physically, morally, and psychologically prepared for the challenges ahead. Working in an Alzeihmer's unit for a few months does not qualify because you were only 14 and were not allowed direct patient interaction. The weakness of your essay lies in your lack of relevant background. This essay will not pass because there is nothing in the essay that clearly depicts that you know what you are getting yourself into and that this is precisely the situation that pushed you to join the Peace Corps.

My advice is this, read up on the experiences of other people who have joined the Peace Corps previously. Then compare their experience with yours. Get some ideas about you can improve your presentation or if you have something similar in your background that you can present to help increase your chances for consideration. Don't use this essay. It will not work for your application at all. Write a totally new, more relevant, and applicable essay. That is the only way to fix the problem of your current essay.

Thank you all for your feedback, that was my first time through so I started a new one I know I still have far to go but here is an updated one that I am also revising with others too! Any ideas on things to remove , add or expand on are helpful thanks again !

At fourteen I started working at an Alzheimer's unit, I wanted to help people, yet was a challenge, every day trying to explain why they needed to shower, eat and the importance of taking their medication. I was met with resistance, shouting and pushing; during my ten years of experience working with the elderly I learned to step back from the situation, breath and be patient with them, to look at the situation in a different light. When I became a medication aid I remember trying to get a patient to take their medications, they refused yet he still needed his insulin, I stepped back and remembered how he was telling me about his parents, how he needs to find them, so we took the time to discuss his parents and in acknowledging his concerns I was able to give him his insulin. I learned patience working with the elderly and that in understanding how people think is more important than trying to change how they think.

I wanted to continue helping people and still do today; today I have been helping in the poorest Arab Muslim village in Israel with a high crime rate and violence. I came to the village seen as another outsider, the first time I stayed for a week, some people said hello when walking through the village, others shouted at me, and a few followed me around just staring. I felt alone at times, uncomfortable with the staring and isolated from the other people; I thought I would not come back. Yet I decided I needed to be patient, allow for them to get to know me and in order to do this I needed to adapt. I dressed appropriately, even in 100F weather, I wore long pants and shirts, I showed up weekly and when I stayed for weeks at a time I made friends with locals, had conversations in teaching English, took walks with them and found writing reflections over my weeks helped me deal with the isolation and frustration which allowed me to continue coming to the village for over a year and still today helping teach leadership skills in communicating through active listening, body language and understanding others.

Joining the Peace Corps to me means taking on a new challenge, being patience, communicating through active listening and understanding those different from me, enjoying the good and pushing through the tough and challenging times, living without the luxuries of home. It means not giving up when I feel homesick or tired, when there is no hot water or electricity. I will adapt to the environment that I am placed in because that is what I have done before and I make the most of my situations as best I can. These experiences have helped me realize the Peace Corps is the next step for me to help people and gain an understanding of cultures that will help me in the future in gaining a job helping others dealing with conflicts.

The only part of this essay that needs more development is the first paragraph. In my opinion, you need to explain how you ended up in this particular unit of the hospital. You were only 14 at the time so where did the motivation to help at the hospital come from? We need to lay the foundation for your interest in community service from the very start. You can start off the essay by explaining how you first came to be interested in community service and how this motivated you to make this a way of life for you. The presentation of the rest of the essay is engaging and delivers the requirements of the prompt to a good degree. However, you have some grammar errors in the essay such as saying "they" then suddenly shifting to "he, him". So you have both a plural and then singular presentation in the same paragraph, describing a single incident. Change all references to the singular in order to fix the grammar problem. We can look into revising any other problems that arise from your revised essay statement later on.