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'amazing, a wonderful friend and an even better person' - Other people's opinions of me

ash1699 1 / -  
Feb 10, 2020   #1

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you?
If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

Seated in the grass with my brother and watching a game seven years ago, I recalled admiring my parents taking their responsibilities. I was cognisant that I would have to step up. Glimpse of future independence prevailed; however, reticence impeded my communication skills. I fear failures thus I avoided growing. My supportive parents continued pushing me beyond all self-imposed boundaries.

My best friend once said, "You're amazing, a wonderful friend and an even better person. You've got a weird humour, but you are the smartest person I know and one of the kindest too." Most of my friends say this. Initially, I am extraordinarily shy. However, with time, I become comfortable, more expressive and fun. My friends appreciate me for my cutthroat honesty and solemnly respect me.

I am determined and work assiduously to achieve my goals. I am supportive and supported and am trusting, trustworthy and mellow. I observe the world, accept it and contemplate on how to react. I am known to rationalise situations when needed or not. I am also loyal, patient, compassionate and reliable. My community respects me and is pleased with my rare achievements.

I was proud of my achievements and being valedictorian in high school by accomplishing subjects that were not in my regular classes. Then with less self-doubt, I attained a distinction in university. Throughout my academic life, I have been scared to be pushed, but I ended up excelling past my self-made box.

Please give me some feedback. Any errors? Anything I should not talk about? Thanks.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,125 3263  
Feb 10, 2020   #2
If you just revise the beginning of the statement to exclude the reference to your brother and focus instead on a time when you observed your parents, the essay should be off to a very good start. The reason I want you to exclude your brother is because he did not really have anything to say about you in the presentation. Unless that person will be included in the statement, he should not take away from the word count which can be used to expand the statement with additional information. Discuss instead how your parents found you to be an introvert and worried about you not being sociable. Then say that their fears were quelled when you began to come out of your shell.

This is a creative approach to the statement. You did a good job in delivering the POV of your friend and then explaining why that is so. This is a unique approach. You just need to revise the presentation about your parents and add a short paragraph about the POV of the community. The community could be represented by a religious leader, a community group leader or member, or even a neighbor that you help out sometimes. The idea being that you can represent how you participate in the various communities, in the various positions that you represent (offspring, sibling, friend, group member, etc.).

Before I forget, do not overwhelm the reviewer with your personal achievements. Just pick the one you are most proud of, as requested by the discussion instructions, and build your explanation of that achievement. Pick one that you believe best represents your personality that was not represented by the discussion covering how your family, friends, and community members would describe you.

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