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'the amenities the school has to offer' - University of North Carolina Wilmington



beccagrapevines 2 / 3  
Oct 29, 2014   #1
Hey all! I have a part of my application due soon which I am writing a bit last minute. I would appreciate any help to improve this! Also, there is no character limit, but the min. is 1200 (mine is around 2500+)

Prompt: Please explain why you would like to attend UNCW.

When I first I stepped on the campus of University of North Carolina Wilmington's campus, I was impressed by all the amenities the school has to offer. Having friends who attend the school, I was able to experience very personal tours and get the feel of what it would really be like to be a Seahawk. One of the first features of the school that caught my attention was its smaller population. I feel that this aspect of the school allows for a stronger feeling of community. This feature of the school is important to me; smaller class sizes will let me to have more personal relationships and interactions with my professors and peers which will allow for an equally enriching academic and social life. If I were to ask anyone who attends the University of North Carolina Wilmington about the professors, they would tell me that each and every professor truly enjoys what they do and that they are always eager to help lead students to the path of success. It is encouraging to know that at this school, I will be acknowledged as an equally important individual, unlike at large universities where relationships between the professor and the student can be impersonal. Along with the benefits of the size of the university, I also am pleased with the fact that it is not far from home. I hold close my family and friends close to me, so the fact that UNCW is less than two hours away is comforting. While the school is close enough to visit often, there is also enough distance for me to be able to be independent and grow on my own: one of the most important parts of attending a university. I wish to continue in specific extracurricular activities in college such as music and yoga, which to my delight, I discovered were available on the campus! A Capella groups like the Sea Belles and Seahawkapellas would definitely be ensembles that I would be interested in involving in. Participating in these groups will help me continue to share my passion for singing after high school and outside of the regular classroom, as well as enhancing the school. Being the current Vice President of the yoga club at my high school, I would love to continue to be a part of the yoga community and grow my skills in the UNCW Yoga Club. I would also possibly be interested in holding a leadership position in the club, as a result of my previous leadership experience.

Sire 3 / 4  
Oct 29, 2014   #2
This seems pretty well written to me. However, I think you could improve your essay by forming a stronger/ more coherent conclusion in the last few sentences. It just kind of abruptly cuts off at the end.
OP beccagrapevines 2 / 3  
Oct 29, 2014   #3
OH crap. I accidentally cut off the end..

here is the continuation

"... as a result of my previous leadership experience, I believe I would be fit for. The openness of campus and grassy plains are perfect places for the yoga club to meet, as well as a serene area to study, catch up with friends or just relax between classes. The trees, plants and nature around the campus make for a calm and down-to-earth setting which I believe resonates with those in it. The University of North Carolina Wilmington has always seemed like a perfect fit for me and it would be an honor to be able to finally call myself a Seahawk. "


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