"American Airman" | Topic #1 Common Application

Topic:To evaluate a significat experience, achievment, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

American Airman

Standing proud, a figure of principle and typically looked at as a man of discipline. This individual is faithful to a proud heritage, a tradition of honor, and a legacy of valor. He understands what is expected of him and that he must never falter. I am this man; I serve my country as a member of the United States Air Force. I have been molded into a person who is extremely motivated, dedicated, and has a strong work ethic; this is my greatest achievement.

Growing up as the oldest child, and the only male of three, the military was always apart of my life. A subject that intrigued me, with deep history and brotherhood bonds unmatched by other organizations. Like my grandfather, and father that served before me I have always had unconditional love for this country. Unfortunately I had a flawed perception that joining the military would only hurt furthering my education. This ignorance caused me to look over the very organization that I would dedicate myself to.

I progressed through school as an average student, with the ability to do well but lacking proper work ethic, and the desire to succeed. I continued through my later years in school knowing that I needed to improve but never entirely fixing the problem. The years flew by, and I was left with a flawed perception that I could continue on the path I was on and still end up being a productive individual. I was left with mediocre grades, and little to nothing that set me apart from the crowd.

Senior year rolled around, and like many of my classmates I began to prepare for college. As I did research, I noticed the number of students who started college straight out of high school high had a higher failure rate then those who didn't. The numbers stunned me, students that first attended community colleges or were members of the military had a much higher chance of graduating. Essentially students were being sent to school unprepared, they were challenged and weren't able to finish the task. In that moment I realized I wouldn't be able to justify spending money on furthering my education with the uncertainty of being able my degree.

"There are no secrets to success. "It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure." spoken by General Colin Powell. These words are what I lived by during the last few years, improving myself in every way possible. I had to put myself in the position to succeed, the military was that position. From the moment I raised my hand in defense of this nation, to the moment I graduated from one of the longest, and most demanding technical training schools the military has to offer I remained motivated, dedicated, and became an American Airman.

All reviews will help. Thank you ahead of time.

Look, I will tell you outright that I am German, so my perspective is
not the American one, which is why I maybe a little more sensitive to the topic
so keep that in mind.

I find the beginning much too elavated.
When I began reading I thought that this was a list of overused and unrealistic cliches that
the author was going to criticize. However, you are just trying to praise yourself,
which considering your high school years is a little inappropriate, since those years should make you more modest.
And how have you defended your nation? Have you actually been abroad?

Also, the end suggests that you joined the military not because of passion but because you were scared of failing in college.

Again, my perspective is a little different, so see if my suggestions make sense to you,
but in my mind such strong praises should be only applied if you have actually achieved anything.
And even in that case, you should rather let the achievements do the talking.

Due to the work I'm doing I'm not allowed to talk about what I do on a day to day basis. The essay isn't about praising myself, I will take your words into consideration. Do you think there is another way to word it. Also It's a national pride thing, i'm describing it the way I was taught to.

Are you allowed to talk on the common application about it?
Anyway, you could maybe make it sound like this kind of man you are portraying is the ideal that you strive to achieve.

Yes that is what I was going for, thank you I am going to change it to say i'm striving to become that man.