Thank you for taking time to read my essay (:
PROMPT: "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."
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I was born in a place where everything was a struggle-a struggle driven by the force of money, a desire for economic prosperity. But this was often a fruitless struggle, for much of one's life was predetermined by one's birth. There were no stories like The American Dream, where a common man could earn his wealth through hard work. Rather, it was a vicious cycle, where low-income parents could not afford to send their children to the best schools and pay for extra courses-in turn providing them only a mediocre education and immersing them in a never-ending ocean of economic struggles.
Amidst that fight, my parents decided to travel a different route-to take a chance and start a new life in America. But achieving such aspirations was difficult. Although the U.S. provided many possibilities, the road that led to these dreams were tumultuous. Every step of the way brought forth obstacles of a new culture, a new language, and the fact that there was nobody to guide us along this path forced us to continue on alone.
As I reflect back on such memories, there are things which are most clearly embedded in my mind. From elementary school at my hometown, where I enviously watched my friends go to piano or English class, from the private Christian middle school where I was initially rejected due the fear that I would not be able to achieve the standards of an American-born student, to now, where I am applying to schools that I would have never dreamed of, I can see how such obstacles have affected my current self. The child who could not afford to take extracurricular activities heightened her desire to not only excel in schoolwork but to expand her capacities into art and music. The teenager who was judged by her location of birth and struggle with a new language lit fire to her heart the injustices that immigrants still face today, and created her desire to relieve such burdens. The legal adult who is applying to outlets that will further her aspirations has given herself a moment to reflect back on these obstacles-and realize that they were merely catalysts to achieving her highest potential.
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Thank you for reading and revising my essay. My problem is word limit (300!)/condensing essay & connecting the first and second paragraph. I can't think of a transition from one thought to another. Please help!!!! Thank you so much again (:
PROMPT: "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."
--------
I was born in a place where everything was a struggle-a struggle driven by the force of money, a desire for economic prosperity. But this was often a fruitless struggle, for much of one's life was predetermined by one's birth. There were no stories like The American Dream, where a common man could earn his wealth through hard work. Rather, it was a vicious cycle, where low-income parents could not afford to send their children to the best schools and pay for extra courses-in turn providing them only a mediocre education and immersing them in a never-ending ocean of economic struggles.
Amidst that fight, my parents decided to travel a different route-to take a chance and start a new life in America. But achieving such aspirations was difficult. Although the U.S. provided many possibilities, the road that led to these dreams were tumultuous. Every step of the way brought forth obstacles of a new culture, a new language, and the fact that there was nobody to guide us along this path forced us to continue on alone.
As I reflect back on such memories, there are things which are most clearly embedded in my mind. From elementary school at my hometown, where I enviously watched my friends go to piano or English class, from the private Christian middle school where I was initially rejected due the fear that I would not be able to achieve the standards of an American-born student, to now, where I am applying to schools that I would have never dreamed of, I can see how such obstacles have affected my current self. The child who could not afford to take extracurricular activities heightened her desire to not only excel in schoolwork but to expand her capacities into art and music. The teenager who was judged by her location of birth and struggle with a new language lit fire to her heart the injustices that immigrants still face today, and created her desire to relieve such burdens. The legal adult who is applying to outlets that will further her aspirations has given herself a moment to reflect back on these obstacles-and realize that they were merely catalysts to achieving her highest potential.
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Thank you for reading and revising my essay. My problem is word limit (300!)/condensing essay & connecting the first and second paragraph. I can't think of a transition from one thought to another. Please help!!!! Thank you so much again (:
