"Yet another cooking story." - Yale Essay

Hello everyone! This is my Yale Application Essay. I still have two years until i finish HS, but i think that in order to improve i should start now. I beg you to not sugar coat your objections whatsoever. Be blunt. Thanks beforehand for your time <3

I tried to work on coherence, i have a huge problem with that. My thoughts are scattered as always. Here's an updated version of the essay:

I love to cook. Even though I cook badly.

This stunning discovery struck me when I was 5 years old and my parents described my feather-soup and my sand-cakes, both haute cuisine dishes, as very pretty, tossing them aside the very next second. As a child however I never gave that easily up. Since stories (and mostly TV) had shown me that success is possible through carefully planned persistence, I came up with new recipes: sand-grass-soup with branch garnish, snail-pebble-chowder with lunch leftovers, spit-salad ... and many more. Without obtaining any victory however, I gave up the war. I gave up all my bark medals and carton attestations of my great self. I had grown so much taller.

I decayed into an altered state known as "rebellious adolescents". Rebellious adolescents are basically as creative and daring as children, but they get grounded for their thinking and that's why society prefers to call them ignorant. When I myself was a rebellious adolescent my old belief in my culinary abilities had been shattered, if only for a while. This time it was a certain Gustave, a fat, French chef from a movie with a cooking mouse, Ratatouille, that had enlightened me. Gustave, a mere fictional character, spoke the following wise words: "Everyone can cook." Of course, as a rebellious adolescent my first reaction had to be: "Aw!" The fact that the fat man believed that everyone could and should be doing whatever they felt like doing sounded awesome.

Some years later, after advancing in social hierarchy, I realized that my old discovery had been the right one all along. "Gustave, you liar!" As an aspiring mature person, I wanted to believe that food was something actually edible. Why did I call the fat chef a liar? Well, after all those years, I still couldn't cook. It took me a while to discover this carefully, behind a friendly smile and a white apron, hidden flam.

But maybe I am being a little too harsh on Gustave. Maybe I'm missing the point. Was I too tall now to understand the words of a kids-movie character? Thinking back, the runty general would have cried. "Why don't you cook anymore?"

Remember, dear reader, when you were 5 years old and upon impact with the ground you started to screech like a dying gorgon? Then you must remember that the moment you got up you couldn't care less about your bleeding wounds. Sure, falling on pavement that runs at a fast pace will only hurt your elbows, but if you manage to get up, suddenly you won't mind the injury.

We need to get up, no matter how often or badly we fall. It is only human to fail sometimes. What's unforgivable is to live on without having tried to improve.

Just so you know, I started cooking again.

Hi! I feel like your essay is unique and that's a major plus when applying to a college like Yale!

If you really are a bad cook... maybe you should rethink your topic. But I think you were just being modest when you said that :) Your content is great, but I feel like you should add some positive cooking experiences. At first I thought it would be better to put this somewhere in the middle, but now I think it'd be better placed near the end after you talk about overcoming obstacles and improvement. Why not talk about how you mastered a dish after trying hard to get it right? It just seems like your essay lost its focus on cooking and became about something else. I like the uplifting tone you have at the end of the essay, but just remember not to neglect your topic.

Also I think you can come up with a better title than "Yet another cooking story." If you present it as just another cooking story, then the reader will think it's just another cooking story, even though it's not. Try not to compare your essay to those of other applicants, past or present.

The last thing I want to say is good job on starting your application essays NOW, instead of your senior year. That is extremely smart of you and you won't regret giving up a little of your summer to work on your essays, because it'll pay off later! Good luck on getting into Yale!

This stunning discovery struck me when I was five years old, and my ...----I changed 5 to five and added a comma.

parents described my feather-soup and my sand-cakes, both...

The fact that the fat man believed that everyone could and should be doing whatever they felt like doing sounded awesome.---ha ha, you are pretty funny... :-)

I love your writing style. When you apply for college, use this strategy: Try to make a connection between the theme of the essay and your (very professional and inspirational) plan for the near future. When you apply for college, let the essay reflect the fact that you are hell bent on achieving some specific short term goals.

Also, add a dimension to this theme so that instead of just being about perseverance it is also about some nuance, some insight... something very unique.. a unique insight you share with the reader.

Great job! We need more writers like you at EssayForum. A lot of people can benefit from getting your feedback... even though you are very young, you write like a pro.

Thank you so much for your comment, Kevin! You're lovely :3

I wish I could write about my very professional and inspirational plan for the future, but people don't like hippies; which means they won't like my short term goals *sigh*. If only they would, if only they would ... my dearest mary johanna ...

No, I'm kidding. Honestly, i did try to improve it, but it only managed to ruin it :( It sounded too .. heavy and i didn't enjoy it anymore. Plus, I think I need to find a matching context for my future goals (paediatrician). I could use the same text, however I'd have to drastically change it.

I'll keep your points in mind for my future essays! Thanks again! :D

Ha ha, some people like hippies. But if anyone has a valid gripe with hippies it is that they often are unable to achieve their goals because they lack motivation. Then again, I'll post a video about the "wisdom of the ridiculous," and Watts makes a strong case for the logic of the ancient Chinese hippies: Daoists.

Anyway, you are lucky to be such a good writer...

Hm, I think this is a really exaggerated point of view. I mean, as long as you are entangled in this society, it's stupid to believe you have no purpose. Every doctor, every teacher is important. Of course, if we were some monks living alone in the mountains and we would feel unimportant that would be understandable. But I think that we need the organisation a government provides, since we are a huge mass of people. And from this perspective, it's selfish to try to convince others that life is pointless. So people who believe their existence is pointless and people who don't are all fools. But I personally think it's cooler to be a fool with money XD *money money money money*

great videos though, thank you! :3

[and thanks for the contributor invite :D i'll definitely apply]

What is the essay prompt?

Excellent, ha ha..

As a writer, I see the Tao Te Ching (The book Watts references in the video) not so much as an expression of a particular way of living but actually just as an expression of a particular insight. Insight comes, and we write about it. Lao Tsu wrote about folly of building all these castles and pretending they'll last... and about the wisdom of being completely natural, with no mask to wear. Watts loved that insight, but he still continued his lecturing and writing, etc. He did not just wander around like a lost clown.

I guess that sarcastic chapter... (google: tao te ching chapter 20) is hyperbolic. But still... some people really put it into practice! They live "outside the square" which means living like a hermit, outside town.

I can't argue against your assertion that every doctor and teacher is important, but... then again... The insight is that your existence is not separate from my existence. So, the teacher is teaching herself, and the doctor is healing herself.

If these lives are all the dreams being dreamed by the great eternal whatnot... then teachers and doctors can only be of a secondary kind of importance.Of primary importance is the act of going outside the square (i.e. practice meditation) long enough to let the mind forget all these dreamed-up forms and return to naturalness... so that the great eternal whatnot can remember her true self.

Hei Sabrina! :D
Hm, there was no actual essay prompt. I just wrote down what was going through my mind at that moment. When applying at Yale you need to send two essays. The second one should be a personal one that adds information on who you are, information you wouldn't get from the resume or the other essay.


What does it mean to be completely natural?
For me, being natural means to do what you feel like doing, to struggle, to compete with others. If being natural refers to reducing our actions to a basic level it will be the same thing. You'd end up eating, thinking and sleeping.

But do you think that you could live knowing that nothing you do has a purpose? I think that this way you'd end up similar to those old, narrow minded Christians. You wouldn't be angry, that's all. Because if you have the absolute answer (Nothing has a purpose.) nothing worth questioning would intrigue you anymore or it will intrigue you less. And that would be unnatural. I feel like we have been given the capacity of thinking further than other animals. Our brain is such a wonderful thing and we should abuse it by always asking questions. That is meditation for me!

Or at least it's how I'm seeing this. Even if it's just an insight, I still find it to be exaggerated. Why think in the first place about something that is only achievable through death? Because only then we will be in a natural state, when we will become "energy" or, better said, possible reagents in various physical and chemical reactions.

I don't know, ha ha. It's like this: I am one of those people who does not care what others think of me; I tell people that all the time, because I want others to think of me as someone who is secure in his convictions and not preoccupied with trying to impress everybody! :-) (i'm just joking about naturalness.)

Oh, you made a good point here! Yes, it's natural to do what you feel like doing, which may be something "inside the square." Pretty cool. It reminds me of what Krishna told the warrior Arjuna.


Yale is going to be lucky to have you! Well, the premise is that Things are not as they seem. That is the rumor, anyway. Rumor has it that people can suddenly snap out of it and see the truth about the nature of our existence (i.e. a sudden awakening).

that's rumor Iheard from F

Well, duh! If you would care about what others think of you, you'd probably cut yourself and cry at night! And I'll confess something: I like Nicki Minaj and Lady Gaga because even though they're both plastic and make crap music they don't care about others - which is good to some extent.

... I think Lady Gaga fans are actually very similar to Taoist adepts. If wisdom (naturalness in our case) wears no mask, then Lady Gaga fans have reached Tao! Because if you would look into the eyes of such a cocky motherfucker, trying to find that glance of humanity, you would see nothing. Because there is nothing to see. No emerald greens or golden browns to reveal a hidden thought or passion. Just a hollow shine you could find in any beast's eyes.

Damn, mi brainz just failed ...

I'm not so fond of the sudden awakening idea. I believe it's impossible to drastically change your point of view over a short period of time. Your whole life you had a way of thinking and to refute in an instant everything you know and answer it all with the same lousy answer ... that would seem unnatural. Also, when I hear "sudden awakening" I always imagine stoned people debating on paradoxes of existence such as: "Did it ever occur to you that one piece of paper has two sides you can write on?" That's sudden awakening. And it's sad.


Who is F?

I was just joking when i said that thing about not caring what others think. I thought it was funny to say "I tell people that all the time because I want them to think of me as someone who is firm in my convictions," etc.


ha ah, a sentence you don't see every day.

You don't believe in Satori? Well... there are two schools of thought -- the Rinzai school (sudden enlightenment) and the Soto school (gradual enlightenment). I think. The point is, yeah, life is so much like a dream that i really would not be surprised to suddenly realize something I should have seen all along... like remembering something long forgotten.

Besides, everything that happens happens all of a sudden! In a happening moment.

I enjoyed your analysis of Gaga fans, even though I'm not really familiar with her music. Pretty awesome discussion, though.
Hey, you must have set some kind of record for the most people helped in a week or something. Thanks, seriously. And please join the contributors so we can showcase how cool you are, etc. and you can add us to your resume. Unless you are too cool for us!

Yes, indeed :D


Haha! XD

Well, I already applied for becoming a contributor some days ago. :-?

Okay, you'll probably get a message soon, then. Did you submit a little bio, etc? A few days might go by before you get a response. Being on that contributor page will help build your web presence! You can make money as a writer/editor/translator if you know what to do.