Another Essay: It is now 2013. How has Macaulay Honors College changed you?

This is another essay and the question is as follows:
It is now 2013. How has The Macaulay Honors College changed you? (350 words or less)
It is my last year of my undergraduate class and I am graduating with bachelors in civil engineering from City College. While attending City College I had an experience far beyond my expectations. I learned a lot of ideas that will enable me to be well prepared for my graduate studies and my future career. I developed collaboration, communication and an analytical skill that is allows me to undertake any challenge that comes in my way.

It is my last year of my undergraduate years and I am graduating with bachelors in engineering from City College. While attending City College I had an experience far beyond my expectations due a prestigious program that I was a part of. I learned a lot of ideas that will enable me to be well prepared for my graduate studies and my future career. I developed collaboration, communication and analytic skills that allow me to undertake any challenges come in my way. While studying at City College I had the benefits of scholarships and opportunities which enabled me to explore many fields of engineering. In my four years at City College, I was in a diverse environment with people of many ethnic backgrounds. This is what made me more collaborative and allowed me to develop great communicational skills which will be very helpful in an engineering career. Additionally, I gained a greater ability to comprehend ideas at a higher level. This analytical skill was developed through many opportunities such as internships, trips, and programs that were offered to develop a stronger aptitude for understanding complex concepts. The progress that I have gained from my college years was all due a program in City College known as the Macaulay Honors program. All of the accomplishments that I have were possible due to my participation in the Macaulay Honors Program. This prestigious program gave those scholarships, internships and education opportunities that I had in my college years. Therefore, without the Macaulay Honors Program I would not have accumulated such an exceptional intelligence and ability to grasp new concepts. The Macaulay Honors program made me into an attentive, open minded and competent person. Now graduating from undergraduate school, it is an honor to be graduating as a student who took part in the Macaulay Honors Program.

The essay sounds a bit repetitive. In part, this is because you actually have three short paragraphs (intro, body, conclusion) in an essay that really isn't long enough to support that format. In part, it is a matter of your relying on a limited vocabulary. For instance, you use the word "experience" five times, and the word "knowledge" four times. I would merge the three paragraphs into one to eliminate some of the repetitive phrasing, and use some synonyms for those words that still crop up several times.

Isn't repetition a use of anaphora? But, I think you are right. I should combine my paragraphs. Also in this essay since it is an essay I would need at least 2 paragraphs so if I write my introduction and body paragraph in one paragraph and end with a concluding paragraph would that work?

Instead I decided to combine everything in one paragraph to include some internal transition inside on paragraph. So can you read this and see if it needs any changes before I submit it as my undergraduate admissions essay? I value your consideration and effort to helping me.

Thanks
Yasin

Yes, repetition can be a source of great power in your writing. Repetition can guide the reader deep into a thought. Repetition can sooth the reader with familiarity, as long as subtle variations are used to avoid redundancy. Repetition can drum a thumping rhythm. However, it can get old, too.

It is great that you appreciate literary devices like repetition! Google "she had some horses," a poem by Joy Harjo.

Here is help for the first part:

Now in the last year of my undergraduate studies, I am graduating with bachelor's degree in civil engineering from City College. While attending City College I had an experience that far exceeded my expectations.

ok thanks