I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but I had to write a new one seeing I ended up turning my last one about Irish dance into my personal essay. Also, the limit is 150, and I already have 155, so I can't really elaborate more unless I take a different angle.Thanks in advance!!
Abiding to alleged claims made by peers that I possessed talent in the art, I enrolled into choir my freshman year. Having participated in several musicals and unenthusiastically taken voice lessons throughout middle school, I already had some formal vocal training. However, this was my first experience in an authentic choir, save the gruesome Christmas concerts of my youth. Seeing I wasn't passionate about the avocation, singing among a gaggle of aficionados was initially awkward. In time, though, these vibrant students' devotion began to wear off on me and I started to grow a true appreciation of music for more than just tunes and lyrics. Since my first class, I have participated in my school's jazz choir as well as an exclusive honors choir, ECCE. Though the memories are unforgettable, I will most cherish the people I met. For, though irksome at first, I encountered the most marvelous personalities in the course I reluctantly endeavored.
After having been told by friends that I have great aptitude for music , I enrolled into choir my during freshman year.
I think it would be cool to use parentheses for "unenthusiastically" because the fact that you were not enthusiastic is not part of the point of the sentence:
Having participated in several musicals and (unenthusiastically) taken voice lessons throughout middle school, I already had some formal vocal training.
The last sentence does not make very good sense:
Though irksome at first, the personalities I encountered turned out to be marvelous and the course was... what?
I hope that helps!!!
:)
