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"where your friends' Facebook statuses..." - Common App Extracurricular Short Answer


SOrtiz122 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2010   #1
Hi everyone,

I'm applying to NYU and need some advice on this paragraph for the short answer on extracurriculars on the Common App:

"It's become the norm to get caught up in ones little bubble, where your friends' Facebook statuses make up the brunt of news and awareness. A club that disguises worldly causes with art and incorporates an entertainment factor into spreading messages for the greater good, made it clear to me that I had to become a part of COTA to tackle pressing issues, while battling my own demons. Shy by nature, the thought of being in the spotlight did not appeal to me, but appeared to be extremely fun. I made it my goal to overcome my fear of public speaking by participating in the COTA productions. Throughout the past three years, I have worked behind the scenes, as an usher and worked my way up to Treasurer. Joining the Club of the Arts has allowed me to push myself out of my comfort zone and develop myself into the audacious person I am today."

The word limit is 150 or less and this is 155. The sentence in red is bothering me, it's really long and I can't seem to find a way to shorten it. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Oh and feel free to point out anything that just doesn't fit right.

Thanks! :)
Acepilot0 1 / 4  
Oct 22, 2010   #2
"It's become normal to get caught up in ones little bubble, where your friends' Facebook statuses form the brunt of news and awareness. A club that disguises worldly causes with art and incorporates an entertainment factor into spreading messages for the greater good, made it clear to me that I had to become a part of COTA to tackle pressing issues, while battling my own demons .

... the spotlight did not appeal to me.However COTA appeared to be extremely fun.
... worked behind the scenes, as an usher later as the Treasurer.
... and develop myself into the confident person I am today."

In the first sentence you need to decide on one or your AKA they need to match
I changed some words that seemed too awkward
I agree the sentence you made red is long, perhaps describe the club first, and how it appealed to you, and then how you got involved, also battling owns demons seems out of place to me, maybe you could elaborate later?

audacious has a bit of negative connotation to it as well, perhaps use the word bold or confident?

Overall I like the way your essay plays out, if you could find some way of introducing your shyness that would be preferable, but that is only if you can fit it.
OP SOrtiz122 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2010   #3
Thanks for the input! :)


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