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UT Anthropology Transfer Statement of Purpose Essay



aridnepenthe 3 / 9  
Jan 20, 2010   #1
Hello all, I am a prospective anthropology student applying to the College of Liberal Arts at the University of Texas, Fall 2010. This is my first draft and I would appreciate any constructive criticism and corrections. I am pretty happy with the essay, but you guys know better than I do! Thanks in advance!

Statement of Purpose

My Essay:

One vital component of being an anthropologist is exposing oneself to great and historical cultures. Immersing myself for the next few years in the culture of the University of Texas would be in itself, a grand step towards my goal of becoming an influential anthropologist. As a first generation Guyanese-Texan, I have been fortunate enough to grow up with an exposure to many cultures and subcultures, which has augmented my curiosity and passion for a career in anthropology. I have long been fascinated with the ethnological studies of human-environmental relationships - such as a society's interactions with ecological, technological, and social structures - and I am eager to accelerate my studies in the fields of ethnology, linguistics, physical anthropology and archaeology at the University of Texas before embarking on a career as an anthropologist. My interest in the environment's role on society and culture has also led to a desire to broaden the field of ecological anthropology by integrating it with information and applications from environmental science. During my relatively brief quest for knowledge, I have often been the victim of racial discrimination, which has fueled my ambition to enlighten others in ethnology and empower them with a holistic perspective of various cultures.

After visiting the Walter Roth Museum of Anthropology in Georgetown, Guyana, where my mother was born, I became intrigued by Guyanese ethnological and archaeological discoveries. With the proper guidance from the superb anthropology program at the University of Texas, I aspire to one day conduct fieldwork with the indigenous peoples of Guyana, specifically the Wai-Wai tribe. In a further effort to expand my knowledge and exercise my distinct learning perspectives, I aim to travel the world to societies typically unseen by the general public eye and depict their unique traditions through ethnographic periodicals, films, photography and other widely accessible media. By conducting fieldwork in various communities, I seek to acquire beneficial insight and develop innovative anthropological concepts based on the population's social, economic, and political structures. As a subscriber to National Geographic magazine and a member of the American Anthropological Association, I am committed to the ever-advancing field of anthropology as the discipline that analyzes humankind in all its characteristics.

The way to make my work meaningful is to make real contributions to the field of anthropology, as well as preserve lasting relationships with the distinguished professors at the university. This will begin with my studies in the courses of Ethnographic Theory, Introduction to Archaeological Studies, and Theories of Culture & Society at the University of Texas. I also wish to participate in a Gypsy Language and Culture course taught by Prof. Ian Hancock, as well as a Science, Technology, & Race course with Prof. John Hartigan. I can also make notable contributions to the university by encouraging extracurricular organizations and events focused on anthropology, such as an ethnographic film festival or an annual field trip. In doing so, I hope to increase the overall student interest in anthropology - a discipline that generally does not receive nearly enough recognition as it should.

Although there is much ahead of me, I am prepared for whichever challenges await me and would be more than proud to brandish the hue of burnt orange. Furthering my studies at the University of Texas would not only grant my wish to become a Texas Longhorn, but enable me to exceed my personal and scholastic goals by stimulating my creative intellect and enriching my approaches to learning - enhancing my capabilities as a student and aspiring ecological anthropologist. I am looking forward to having the opportunity to gain valuable exposure to the field of anthropology from the internationally renowned faculty at the university, as well as make significant advancements in all of my prospective areas of study. With an unrivaled education from the University of Texas, I am certain that I would be best prepared for my career in anthropology and success in the real world.

OP aridnepenthe 3 / 9  
Jan 20, 2010   #2
Please keep in mind that I have two more to write, one of which will focus solely on my cultural upbringing and the sacrifices my parents made in order to come to America for my education
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 23, 2010   #3
I don't know about the word pursuance. Does it mean anything different from the word pursuit? I guess I think your way is more correct than the way I suggest below, but I still think pursuance is a bad word! Maybe I am prejudice against it.

My pursuit of a career in anthropology is fueled by my fascination with ethnological studies of human-environmental relationships.

If you use the word ethnology, you need to cite a few ethnological research studies n this paragraph so that the reader knows you are not just trying to use an impressive word. Find a way to mention a study or two.

...being a Texas Longhorn , but exceed ...

This is truly an impressive essay. You really know your field, and the reader sees that you have a real plan for your career.

At the end here, you seem like you are patronizing the reader by speaking in terms of her/his interests:
I believe that my outstanding academic dedication to the field of anthropology would increase the scholastic ranking of the anthropology program at the University of Texas, a field that generally...

I thnk you can change it to express enthusiasm by doing this:
I believe that my outstanding academic dedication to the field of anthropology would will enable me to make contributions that can increase the scholastic ranking of the anthropology program at the University of Texas -- a field that generally...

And I changed your comma to a dash, because a dash is good for hlping manage a long sentence.
OP aridnepenthe 3 / 9  
Jan 23, 2010   #4
Thank you!

I used "pursuance" in the first sentence because I used "pursuit" later in the essay. No worries though, time for a thesaurus!

Also, good point about including some ethnological studies, I will tuck that in somewhere in the paragraph.

The ends is what was worrying me the most, as I later realized that I was being a little condescending with my wording. I think your suggestion makes it seem more positive.

I will post my final draft after I make the aforementioned corrections!

Thanks EF_Kevin!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 25, 2010   #5
I used "pursuance" in the first sentence because I used "pursuit" later in the essay. No worries though, time for a thesaurus!

Honestly, check this out answers.com/topic/pursuit-pursuance-quest
You had used i correctly. I just don't like the word pursuance. I don't like its ugly, stupid face.

So, I like your intro much more without it! :-) This draft is looking good!

This sentence still seems a little condescending, but not too much:
I believe that my academic dedication to the field of anthropology will enable me to make contributions that can increase the scholastic ranking of the anthropology program at the University of Texas - a discipline that generally does not receive nearly enough recognition as it should.

If you refer to a personal commitment it will be more about enthusiasm:
I believe that my academic dedication to the field of ------ academic dedication does not really mean anything.

Um... this might be helpful or it might not:
I believe that my academic dedication The way to make my work meaningful is to make real contributions to the field of anthropology, and this will begin with my research of (name specific research topics here) at the University of Texas. I hope to win opportunities for myself and to increase the scholastic ranking of the anthropology program at the University of Texas - a discipline that generally does not receive nearly enough recognition as it should.
OP aridnepenthe 3 / 9  
Jan 28, 2010   #6
Added to the end of last paragraph:

One vital component of being an anthropologist is exposing oneself to great and historical cultures. Immersing myself for the next few years in the culture of the University of Texas would be in itself, a grand step towards my goal.
OP aridnepenthe 3 / 9  
Jan 29, 2010   #7
NEED FINAL COMMENTS PLEASE! Reworked the intro and conclusion a bit.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 30, 2010   #8
One vital component of an anthropologist's work is exposing oneself to...

During my relatively brief quest for knowledge, I have often been the victim of racial discrimination, which has fueled my...

Although there is much ________ (a noun here would be great) ahead of me, I am prepared for ...

Nice job, you have put a lot of work into this!
OP aridnepenthe 3 / 9  
Jan 31, 2010   #9
Thank you so much Kevin!

My GPA isn't so great, so I'm trying to do the best I can with these essays.

You have been very helpful to me. I have one more essay coming up and would love you input.

Regards,
Sarah


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