Appeal essay for pharm (NUS)

hey everyone,im appealing for pharm in nus and i hope to get some sincere feedbacks.thanks in advance.

`To hope is a duty not a luxury'. This particular phrase has been my inspiration so far and more so, now because in each and every one of us there is a private hope and dream and mine is to be a pharmacist ever since I was introduced to the world of chemistry and biology during my pre-university years. I know I have the utmost passion towards chemistry especially organic chemistry and being in healthcare. Passion and interest may be hard to gauge in someone, but I am very sure I have it in me. Hours and hours of googling anything related to pharmacy and chemistry is something I do not merely for academic purposes only but to feed my interest as well. That said, assiduity comes with passion, and that is maybe what I need to overcome my shortcomings in my grades or my co-curricular activities. At the end of the day, all I'm asking for is to give me a chance and to see the potential in me.

i feel like writing another essay after this..haha..

I'm not exactly sure what is needed in an appeals essay because I've never written one. Does it mean that your grades are flagging? If it doesn't, the parts about messing up and working harder are slip-ups on my part. If you are looking to explain away bad grades and beg forgiveness, you need to give the reader an assurance that you will work harder. Otherwise you are merely saying that you have dreams, but the reader already knows you haven't worked hard enough to merit attaining them. Hope this helps.

thank you soo much..really appreciate it..:)

Thanks Mackenzie, you are awesome.

Here is one more improvement to make:
Ever since I was introduced to the world of chemistry and biology, mine has been to become a pharmacist.