Short essays for an application. (Personal Statement)

Describe what you've learned about yourself as a leader and team member through your past experiences. Provide specific examples. What skills will you further develop and/or address in the near future and how? (maximum 200 words)

When I was in high school, I had a chance to be a leader of a rock band because I could play more than two instruments. When we were preparing for a band contest, we tried creating melody lines on a song. However, it went bad. There was a conflict between one who played keyboards and others while making melodies. A member playing keyboards wanted to stand out on the contest, so he put unnecessary lines and chords, which were not harmonized with our song. I was required to mitigate the conflict as the team leader. I decided to let him listen to songs spoiled by too much melody lines. I put my background knowledge of songs for mediation of conflict. However, it did not work for him. At the moment, one of our team members tried to persuade him with explanations of why it harms our song and telling him everyone wants to be standing out but they tried to blend in. Eventually, he got the idea. I realized that to offer solutions is not only requirements as a leader, but it is also required to have team members who are able to support their leaders and are reliable.

This is what i just wrote down. I would like to see if I am on right track or off-topic. Some comments and advices to improve my short essay..

Thanks!

Hi Kosuke,

Since the question asks for what you learned about yourself as a leader and team member, I suggest planning first and writing a list of strengths and qualities you learned from past experiences. You just wrote one which is the importance of members in helping the leader and didn't talk about what you learned about YOURSELF. Write about, for example, how you realized that you are a good listener you are, or how determined you are in making your team win and succeed.

Rather than narrating one story, I think it would be better to state the quality you learned about yourself, then elaborate on it by a specific experience. In this way, you should have about 3 qualities and their experiences, which shows both diversity and personality.

Good luck with your essay and application.