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Apply Texas A&M( an essay about someone who has made an impact on your life)


Z2013 1 / -  
Dec 21, 2012   #1
Hi ,,,
can someone edit my essay,,
well,, I am not very well in grammar
and sometimes I do not choose the correct vocab
I would be happy if you help me,,,,

In our life stages, we face people who impact us positively and others who impact us negatively. Anyhow, some of them change our way of thinking and our perspective of life. For me, I met person who impacted me positively and changed my way of thinking and my standpoint of confronting and challenging hardships and surmount them. She is my art teacher.

When I was in seventh grade, I was excellent in science subjects. However, I was bad in art. I hated this subject on the contrary of the majority of students. One day, in the art class, the teacher talked about colors and that everyone has favorite colors because inside every individual there are art and decorum he or she can express them via drawing and mixing colors or designing. After saying that, she wrote on the board "I would like you to draw a colorful image in which you empress friendship by your own manner". All the students stared at the board for a few minutes then they hold their pencils and began drawing except me. I was either turning around my classmates and saw their mettle in drawing or putting my head on my desk. I did not even hold the pencil. She noticed that all the students drew except me, but she did not say anything . When the class ended, the teacher said "OK, when you are done from drawing, put your image on my desk then you can leave". After that she tended toward my desk and stopped. She waited until all the students went out so, she and I remained alone. Then she asked me "Why did not you draw? Did not you have friends so you can emit the theme?". I replied with angry voice "I hate drawing". Then she said quietly " and have you tried that? Have you ever tried drawing?". I replied "No". Then she said "So why do you hate something you have not ever tried?". Her question surprised me. She was right. Why did I sentence the thing without trying it. But what I said "Please let me go because I will not draw anything". Then she said with serious voice "No, you will draw. I would like you to close your eyes and I want you to look for art and inspiration inside you. Look for an expressive picture of friendship and when you found it hold the pencil and express it on the paper in front of you". I staid a few second then I closed my eyes and executed what she told me. A beautiful picture came to my mind: two friend hold hands each other strongly and came toward sea, inspired that they would not quit each other never whatever. Then I hold the pencil and began to draw quitly and the teacher was looking. After a few minutes from drawing, I looked at the image. It was too bad. I threw the pencil and ripped the paper and I said " It was too ugly". The teacher smiled and told me quietly " Because this is the first time you have tried to draw. When you go home, try to draw the same image again". I attempted drawing that image time after time. Finally, I drew it. It was not perfect very well, but it was not bad this time. I spent all that night gazing at the drawing. I did not believe that I drew. I was excited to show the teacher my drawing. In the next day, when the teacher saw the drawing, she surprised and said " What a pretty image" and she took it.

She did not stop helping me after this event. She used to give me a theme every weak and ask me to draw an expressive image. I remember her statement every weak "I want you to try, just try". I was getting better time after time until I became familiar with drawing.

The lesson was wider than just drawing. I did not discover that until I went to high school. My art teacher gave me a weapon to confront challenges. Especially that I face in my academic life. The weapon was (try and attempt). Now , I do not stop at a narrow range or particular problem and say I could not do it; I try once twice and many, until I succeed.
Millin Gabani 10 / 22 1  
Dec 23, 2012   #2
@Z2013
Remove the For me in first para. Also I would help you to use proper symmetry in your essay :
If you dont konw what is symmetry in grammer here is example:

I want to swim and skating
I want to swim and to skat

Now here is small correction in your essay that I have made:
For me, I have also met person who impacted me positively and changed the way I think.

Did you notice the blue words in above sentence that contribute to symmetry of the sentence.

Your essay need a lot of this kind of work and I could not understand your motive of your first para of essay . If you want me to guide you properly through opening of the essay then write the first para in simple words in simple words and I will guide you to write it.

Just write in simple words.


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