Applying to the college of arts and sciences and becoming University of Pennsylvania alumni

Prompt: How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying.

admission essay to UPenn

Gaining admittance to "the College" at University of Pennsylvania will enable me to construct a vast a web of knowledge woven to catch opportunities in order to enact positive change in the world. Many universities could give me a quality education, but only Penn- through its unique culture, abundant extracurriculars, and prestigious academics- could shape me into the woman I aspire to be.

First and foremost, I will explore my intellectual and academic interests by learning and absorbing all that I can from my professors and peers. With a student-faculty ratio of 6 to 1, Penn offers a unique opportunity to learn from a conversation rather than just a lecture. Influential women such as Diana Mutz and Amy Kaplan are more than just professors at Penn, but also authors and researchers pioneering in each of their own fields. Both of these women, and so many Penn professors like them, teach to share their unique passions to the upcoming generation and Penn is willing to foster any academic path these passions might take me on. This is possible because of Penn's interdisciplinary programs that would allow me to integrate courses, ideas, and research across the four undergraduate and twelve graduate schools. Being unsure of my future specific major, but knowing my ultimate goal is a law degree, Penn's submatriculation program and inter-school minor options, such as Legal Studies and History, give me the utmost level of freedom and encouragement to pursue what inspires me most- the ever-evolving entity of government.

Next, education is not limited to the 4 corners of the classroom at Penn. As home to more than 450 student-run clubs and organizations, my need for involvement will always be met. I will explore leadership opportunities by engaging in student governance organizations such as the Undergraduate Assembly and Class Board, leading my peers and implementing my increasing knowledge practically to improve life on campus. I am someone who thrives on a busy schedule, pushing and expanding my creative, social, and intellectual limits by pursuing my passions in a hands-on fashion through extracurriculars. Being from a small school with a graduating class of less than 200, my options for these ventures were often restricted. That's why Penn is so attractive to a woman of action like myself. Penn cultivates an atmosphere where students can be fearless in chasing after what sets their soul on fire.

Finally, I will expand my capacity for culture at Penn. Having grown up in rural Oklahoma in the middle of the Bible Belt, my scope for understanding the human experience is incredibly limited. When I visited Penn for a week in July of this year with my family, Philadelphia took me by storm. Penn does not set the bar, but is the bar for diversity on campus. With a law degree and political aspirations, I hope to one day represent people and communities. In order to do so, I feel a strong sense of responsibility to actually know and understand the individuals and cultures whom I would be advocating for. Philadelphia is an immense hub where history and innovation meet to form today's American discourse- and that is where I want to be. I want to be immersed in an ocean of contrasting perspectives, able to listen to as many voices as possible in order to form a more diverse worldview. Penn is the best place for me to reach this goal.

With all of these programs and outlets, Penn will enrich and advance my intellectual and academic interests more than any other university, allowing me to discover my purpose. My purpose of acting as a vessel to transform ideas into actions to change the social climate of my community, state, and ultimately nation to be more accepting. My purpose of serving those who I lead. And lastly, my purpose of inheriting and continuing the great tradition that comes with being a University of Pennsylvania alumni.

Here is some quick feedback:

Overall, your essay is well written - good job! Tinys edits I might suggest include:

"... in each of their own fields." (delete "own")

" and Penn will support any academic path ... " (change from "is willing")

"... not limited to the classroom at Penn." (delete "4 corners" - it doesn't help)

"... choices were often limited." ("restricted" sounds a bit harsh)

"... human experience is understandably narrow." ("incredibly" really overdoes it!)

"When I visited Penn during a week in July this past summer ..." (or, did you actually mean that you spent the entire week AT Penn?)

"The diversity of Penn was especially appealing to me." (Because the sentence about "high bar" doesn't make sense as well as it should.)

"...individuals and cultures for whom I will be advocating for." (grammar)

"... perspectives, and to listen to as many ..." (grammar)

"...serving those I will lead in the future." ("who I lead" sounds a bit much)

"And finally,..." ("lastly" is ok, but "last" and "finally" work just as well)

"...alumna." (Alumni is the plural of alumnus)

Hope that helps! Best wishes with your application, I think you sound like a stellar applicant!

Hayley, try to avoid mentioning the obvious information in the essay that the reviewer will surely know about. In the second paragraph, mention these influential women only if you plan on enrolling directly in their classes. Otherwise, simply rattling off what makes them special as professors and authors won't make the cut. Don't explain about the interdisciplinary programs. Tell the reviewer why that will help you define your academic and intellectual interests instead.

In the third paragraph. Your opening sentence is old and tired. So is the second sentence in the paragraph. Go directly to the discussion about "I will explore..." because that is the gist of your paragraph. That paragraph will be more interesting if read from a direct approach rather than an introductory approach. If you can format your essay to place the highlights at the start of the paragraphs so that the reviewer can simply scan the essay to get to the points you are trying to make, then there is a better chance he will finish reading your essay.

The rest of your presentation is attuned to the prompt requirements. I don't see any need to change those parts. The revisions should make the essay more interesting to read and allow you to hold the reviewers attention through direct informational contact.