Applying for a New Zealand scholarship in Computer Science; applying gained knowledge

Hey. This is my first time applying for a New Zealand scholarship and I need feedback on my essay.
The question is
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WHAT SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE DO YOU HOPE TO GAIN FROM YOUR PROPOSED STUDY PROGRAM?

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(Character Limit 1200)

I strongly believe that I deserve to participate in this scholarship as I am embedded with an urge and willingness to further acquire the fundamental knowledge of key computer science skills from programming languages, data analysis to software engineering and algorithms that are crucial in the technology industry. From the theoretical and practical knowledge as well as the hands-on training incorporated in the Computer science program offered in the preferred institutions can prepare me for a career as Cyber Security analyst or Software engineer.

As for the skills, I am hoping for the opportunity to further develop my sense of independence. I see that pursuing a career in the field of technology involves more independent work from creating computer programs and applications to writing code. However, some ideas and concepts may need to be communicated with other team members. In doing so, I am also obtaining skills on how to interact and communicate with others. Furthermore, studying a course that is centered on intense and quick problem solving can amplify my critical thinking skills which is a precise skill that most employers seek.

The applicant has not indicated if the scholarship being applied to will be for an undergraduate or masters course. There is also no reference to the specific New Zealand based scholarship being applied to. So, while the prompt was provided, I am uncertain as to which aspect of tertiary or advanced education applies to the given content. Each educational level has a different scholarship application focus, which is supported by the prompt requirement. So the applicant should understand if a thorough and applicable review cannot be provided for the given essay.

What I did find is that the provided information is too general in reference. It does not allow the reviewer to get an insight into the specific educational needs of the student as it applies to the chosen course. Familiarity with the learning program is always a must in reference to skills and theoretical development. There is a lack of these specific discussion points in this essay. If the writer had mentioned if this is for an undergraduate or masters course in the post, I would have been able to better direct the content improvement for this presentation.

Hai, I think it will be better if you try to explain more on the units that you will take, which will benefits you to accuire knowledge and skills. So that the examiner can understand more on your purpose in gaining the knowledge/skills.

thankyoou and good luck for your application!

@Holt
Thank you for your response. I am applying for an undergraduate course for the New Zealand Manaaki Scholarship.