Experinces I've gone through and learned through others have scuplted the person I am today.
This is an example of a sentence that gets you off to a slow start...
What it amounts to is this:Experiences
the person I am today.--- but this does not say anything meaningful. Experiences sculpt us all.
Vires embodies the morals I will never break, the endurance I have physically, and the intellect I hold. --- this is a nice sentence.
And as you read this I hope you acknowlege me as the genuine person I am.---- why do you say this? It is a little offensive to the reader, because you have no reason to assume that the reader needs to be reminded that you are a genuine person. Let me look to see what you are really trying to say...
you are saying this:
I learned Vires from my parents.
You wrote this essay about your parents' Vires and how you embraced the spirit of hard work and personal strength. It is great! Now go back to the beginning and give it a proper introduction. Introduce it by saying only what you mean: My parents' demonstrated Vires by working hard to provide everything for me, and I am following their example.