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"Art Accomplishment" - UC Application Personal Statement Prompt


wsamakoen 2 / 2  
Nov 24, 2010   #1
When I was young I was one of those kids who knew how to draw before the moment I could walk or talk, which started my love for art. While toddlers at my age pronounced "Mama" I coloured anything I could get my hands on, as I grew so did my passion for art. Therefore in junior year I opted art as one of my higher level subjects in the International Baccalaureate Program because I wanted art to always be with me. My parents thought my passion for art was just a temporary phase and never believed that I could make progress with art so from that day on I made a vow that someday I would prove them wrong. But I struggled to achieve this goal because their disapprovement for art had a toll on me, such as, self doubt.

The self doubt fooled me into believing that I had no purpose in art which discouraged me to pursue art. However I was sick of feeling sorry for myself so I painted day and night until it reached my standards, that was when I noticed that I did have a purpose in art and I would never surrender without a fight. After seventeen years of my dedication to art I received a message from my mom that one of my pieces made it to Jakarta Teacher And I (JATI) Exhibition. The message showed that my ability in art, even if it took me seventeen years to prove it.

Today I do not know how I would feel if I quit art because the thought of me giving up is an indication that I granted their wish. Due to my early connection with art I felt that my sudden release in art would crush me because I cannot imagine letting something go I have worked so hard on for so many years. This made me rebel against my parents' wishes and inspired me to continue art, which led me to nothing but fights with them. I felt stronger after every fight because their criticism instead motivated me to do better, I was surprised at the revelation of how I was able to transform their criticism from a negative aspect into a positive one.

I realized that criticism was not meant to hurt despite the harsh choice of words directed at us, although the conversion of criticism is an odd method to use it is the most effective encouragement tool. I know that now I can achieve whatever I set my mind to because ever since that incident I now know that criticism are just words. As a dilligent individual I always had the impression that I put one hundred percent, or more of effort into everything I do and that would be enough. So when my parents terrorised me with their criticism I was in shock at first, but gradually moved on and I never felt happier. Now whenever I surround myself with art I will always remember my experience and accomplishment of overcoming hesitation in art.

iamabeast - / 1  
Nov 24, 2010   #2
great essay. i dont think you need the (JATI) acronym.

"such as, self doubt" you don't need the comma between those two.

in the first three paragraphs, you use some strong negative words; try lightening it up a little bit.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 6, 2010   #3
But I struggled to achieve this goal because their disapprovement disapproval

use a hyphen:The self-doubt

comma: fooled me into believing that I had no purpose in art, which
missing a word: After seventeen years of my dedication to art I received

This is a great sentence, but you need a z in terrorized: So when my parents terrorized me with their criticism I was in shock---maybe I am wronge and you were using a UK English version of the word? I dunno...

:-) This essay is great, very enjoyable to read and very impressive. I recommend Berdyaev, because his way of discussing creativity is something you probably can appreciate a lot.


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