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'Not an artist myself' - Stanford A Good Place For You (many opportunities)

Fiddysin 6 / 15  
Nov 2, 2009   #1
Please help me! This is a rough draft. This essay is my weakest point and any help is appreciated!

Comments&Criticism welcome!

Once again, Thank you for taking your time.

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

The varsity badminton team needs at least eleven points to capture the win over the opposing team. I provide the team with four. However, my team is unsuccessful and cannot produce a single point after that. Although I have won my individual events, it is frustrating to see my very own teammates lose. As the season progresses, our team worked on each other's weaknesses and employed strategies that exploited our opponent's shortcomings. This idea of collaborating and bringing out the best in each other was amazing, as we formed unforgettable bonds. Even though badminton and Stanford may appear to have nothing in common, they are both communities in which competition is friendly, not fierce, and everyone is willing to promote ideas that benefit the entire school population.

This prestigious institution is where leaders are born, innovation is witnessed, and creativity is expressed. It is perfect for me, providing an all around balance between academics, arts, and athletics. Stanford may contain a diverse society, but this doesn't stop students from working towards a common goal. Differences are inevitable, but with the Diverse Works program, these distinctions become nonexistent as students share information about their individual cultures. What really appealed to me was the academic and research opportunities readily available on campus. A particular program that caught my eye was the level of mathematics accessible at Stanford, particular the Financial Mathematics graduate program. A degree in financial mathematics has sparked my interest as it combines the powers of mathematics with the concepts of economics and the practicality of business. Furthermore, I would love to be acquainted with Professor Kenneth Singleton, the professor of management that educates students on when to take risks and the importance of pricing models. These concepts are certainly vital in the past, present, and future. Stanford truly has an exceptional academic reputation, but there are other aspects that define Stanford as well.

Although I may not be an artist myself, creativity and self expression through art is commonplace throughout Stanford. There are many opportunities to experience masterpieces from other students and enjoy paintings from over 4,000 years ago. For instance, the Cantor Arts Center is the perfect place to witness the extensive history of art. Creativity at Stanford is inevitable; the professors' approach of allowing students to take risks and make mistakes is a perspective that guides oneself to success. Stanford will definitely allow me to express my individuality and to think outside the box.

Some may believe that extracurricular activities are limited at Stanford due to its rigorous courses. However, Stanford has an impressive athletic program that has celebrated many championships over the years. Screaming at the top of my lungs at the annual football game against Cal is something I look forward to. Also, playing badminton as an intramural sport will allow me to relax and continue my passion. With its Spanish villa style architecture and classic red roofs, Stanford is always a tranquil location no matter where you are on the campus. Whether it be getting involved in student activities at Old Union or enjoying the soothing sounds of the fountains, Stanford is ideal for me since it provides numerous ways to unwind and just simply live life to its fullest.
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Nov 2, 2009   #2
You take a broad approach to this essay, which makes it more than 500 words. I'm not sure if admissions would like to read about every single thing that you like about stanford. I thought that you were going somewhere with your first paragraph but it turned out to be a somewhat unnecessary comparison to Stanford since you do not develope it beyond the intro.
OP Fiddysin 6 / 15  
Nov 3, 2009   #3
Thank you for the advice. I will revise it as soon as possible. Any other suggestions please?
justwannahelp - / 3  
Nov 3, 2009   #4
it would be better to focus on two or three aspects of the school that relates to YOU. don't fit too many because then you start to sound like a brochure. it's good that you provide specific information about the school, but make it relate to YOU. you can integrate your own past experiences to support your points of why those certain characteristics are a perfect fit for YOU! rather than trying to be creative in the delivery, you might want to be creative in your answer. what would be more creative and atypical characteristics you might consider? great start!~
Vulpix - / 71  
Nov 3, 2009   #5
Cut down on your first paragraph, or get rid of it entirely, since it is not directly relevant to the rest of your essay.
I agree with justwannahelp in that you should only focus on the things about Stanford that directly relate to you- if you're not an artist, you probably don't need to spend an entire paragraph talking about art.

Also, you are going to need to do a lot of cutting! You're at 3,417 characters right now, which is almost double the character limit of 1,800. And, if you're submitting online, you are most definitely going to have to be under the character limit (trust me, I submitted Early Action to Stanford, and I spent about 5 hours cutting my essays down to fit the limit). You have a good start here, though, you just need to refine everything a little more.
OP Fiddysin 6 / 15  
Nov 5, 2009   #6
Thank you guys for the great advice (: Will revise ASAP

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