'Just as an artist' - my vision is to bring a new style of business to NYU and then the world

NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)

Just as an artist incorporates their own personal style when covering a song, my vision is to bring a new style of business to NYU and then the world. Business is often correlated with unethical practices, such as when Toyota forwent safety concerns to save money. My goal is to break the connection between the two and use business as an ethical platform to help people of all backgrounds.

My parents raised me and instilled in me the same values they gained from growing up in the Philippines. They held God as the top priority. Life was tough in the Philippines, their religion gave them hope. So long as you were faithful and help others, good things would happen. I believe this fervently and express this belief by participating in several religious and community service clubs, such as the Bridges team, where along with other students, I help make food, collect essentials, and distribute them in Manhattan and Newark. At NYU I hope to join one or more of the many faith groups such as World Faith to keep faith as an active part of my life. Faith and service are integral to my life, and it is why I want to disconnect business from corruption.

Stern is known for its challenging, top quality cirriculum. Many classes involve society and people, such as Business and Its Publics. They will allow me to increase my understanding of the world, and hone my style of business to better help them. Coming out of Stern, armed with the best possible comprehension of business, I have no doubt I can confidently step out into the world, and step up above the rest.

NYU is located in the heart of one of the biggest metropolitan areas in the world. But living in Manhattan, I will meet people with opinions, lifestyles, and perspectives I may not have encountered before. Differences in culture can only help me in better understanding the world so that I may help it through business. I also bring my own culture to the melting pot, and as I learn from others, I hope others can take something from my background of religion and hard work.

Overall, NYU gives me the tremendous resources of Stern and Manhattan, and in combination with my work ethic and moral character, I only see my goal being completed, which is the ultimate offer I want to give.

Your essay tackles the question thoroughly. It's well thought-out. The only suggestion I have is that you can shortly elaborate on the unethical practices that you want to disconnect from business. Perhaps specifying the specifics on why you want to create that disconnect.


I hope this helped. good luck!
If you get the chance can you check out my essay?

I want to use business as an ethical platform to help people of all kindsbackgroundswhile still making enough for me to live a humble life .

My parents raised me in the United States similar to how they were raised in the Philippinesand instilled in me the same values they gained from growing up in the Philippines . I believe my religious nature stems from their God fearing background.Though life was tough in the Philippines, their religion gave them hope, that so long as one is faithful and kind to others, good things will happen. I too, believe this fervently, and express this belief by participating in several religious and community service clubs, such as the Bridges team, where along with other students, I help make food, collect essentials, and distribute them in Manhattan and Newark. At NYU I hope to join one or more of the many faith groups such as World Faith to keep faith as an active part of my life. Faith and service are integral to my life, and if business is to be too, I will offer a hard work ethic in order to combine the two.

The Stern School of Business is known for its challenging, top quality cirriculum. I know it will offer me the best education possible going forward in the world of business. Coming out of Stern, armed with the best possible comprehension of business, I have no doubt I can confidently step out into the world, and step up above the rest.

--> More Specifics!! Pepper this paragraph with a few courses you are interested in, maybe something related to Business Ethics. Talk about how you can gain the knowledge and skills needed to promote ethical and fair business practices which benefit the poor.

NYU is located in the heart of one of the biggest metropolitan areas in the world. I have lived around the New York Metropolitan area all of my life, so I have been exposed to many cultures, opinions, lifestyles, and perspectives. But in the middle of it all, in Manhattan, I will meet people with opinions, lifestyles, and perspectives I may not have encountered before. Different perspectives can only help me in better understanding the world so that I may help it through business. Overall, NYU gives me the tremendous resources of Stern and Manhattan, and in combination with my work ethic and moral character, I can only see my goals being completed, which are the ultimate offer I want to give NYU and the world.

--> I don't know about this paragraph. You start off great, and then it sort of loses the oomph character. Talk more about what you can offer NYU. You're Filipino right? Then talk about how you can bring that Filipino culture to NYU, or something like that. You mention how NYU can help you quite a lot, which is great, but they also want to know why they should accept you. So don't be afraid to sell yourself a bit more!

My suggestion is that any time you mention business ethics and fair business in the world, concentrate on the Philippines and South Eastern Asia. In doing so, your essay reads tighter, because you want to change a specific aspect of business in a specific part of the world. It shows that you have a pretty solid vision, and bodes well when they are analyzing you as a student. And again, talk a bit more on what you can contribute to NYU. College is a give and take relationship. College gives you a tremendous education and infinite opportunities. But you also have to give them something. It's a very important thing to remember.

But all in all, you write very well! It's just the content that needs some tweaking. Good luck :)

Your essay is very well written! I would just like to point out that in the first sentence, it should read "...an artist incorporates his or her style...", not their. It's a small error, but you probably don't want to have any obvious mistakes in the first sentence (:

Ahhhh dang haha I don't have the word count to make that change, but thank you. I will try to make that change.