"I asked about her experience with orthodontics" - College of Arts and Science

During my first sleepover experience, I noticed my friend putting her retainers in her mouth. As I gave her a sympathetic look, I asked about her experience with orthodontics. "Oh...painful. But it's so worth it!" Her enthusiastic answer surprised me. If I invested thousands of dollars and my golden three years of time, I would not want to wear retainers for life. With the realization in temporariness of orthodontic results, I initiated my research in orthodontics with curiosity, and discovered an interesting fact; it is openly admitted that contemporary orthodontics do not know the cause of malocclusion. Since genetics have a strong tie to the size of the jaw, the quantity of the teeth, and the shape of the teeth, I have assumed the cause of the malocclusion to be related to genetics. If the cause were only genetics, however, the orthodontics' result should not be temporary nor require retention for life. While it is true that genetics determine the jaw structure, the environmental factor determines the severity of malocclusion. Learning about orthodontics fascinates me because not only it relates to aesthetic aspect of beauty, but it also prevents the cavity, thus enhancing one's oral health. I have a passion to innovate a permanent orthodontic treatment because today's orthodontics only have the ability to treat the symptoms, not the causes. I intend to major in biology to investigate every cause of malocclusion as an undergraduate before I go further in orthodontics. With the Cornell's best biology program, I hope to gain a firm foundational knowledge through its eclectic scientific researches and fulfill my intellectual curiosity.

Please edit my essay! I will return the favor.

Hi,
It seems that you have a lot more words to work with. The second part of the prompt asks how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study, and I think you need to elaborate more on this. How will you use these programs to reach your goals? For example, what kind of research will you do at cornell, if any? Are you going to start a pre-dentistry club? Also, I think you should mention why cornell is such a good college for you. Why cornell, and not the other 500 colleges, which also happen to have good bio programs?

Good luck with your app :)