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"American Dream; a highly selective liberal arts college" - Smith College Supplement


blueberry6 2 / 4  
Oct 15, 2010   #1
Imagine that you are the director of admission at a highly selective liberal arts college and you had to choose from among a group of very well-qualified applicants. Aside from excellent academic performance, what one characteristic would be most important to you in making your decision? Why? (Limit response to 150 words)

The American Dream: Attesting the defiance of the panacea of the possibility to come from nothing and rise to everything, against all odds.

So why can't everyone achieve the American Dream?

To me, a bridge exists between the realms of mere possibility and reality.

It is called lateral thought.

An innate ability. An opportunity. A gift. Potential to transcend all odds. Potential that Smith could hone, to empower an individual with the platform to achieve unbelievable heights. In a world that is constantly changing, and in America, the land where such precedents for change are set, the ability to think laterally would distinguish an individual from the rest. It is the characteristic that separates the ones who will be remembered from the ones who will not. For in a world of change, the former are the facilitators of development. The ones who make history.

Any feedback would be appreciated!
Thanks in advance
fjfjfjf - / 13  
Oct 15, 2010   #2
The ones who make history.

This is not a complete sentence.

Otherwise, I liked your essay as it had some analytic depth. I also the structure of your essay, I think it'll catch the reader's eye out of the dozens she/he will likely read before yours. Good luck to you.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 18, 2010   #3
Great idea. This is obviously very inspired, and I like the concept.

You have many sentence fragments at the beginning, but I think they can be allowed because of "poetic license."

However, I think the sentence mentioned by Steve should have an adjustment so that it is a complete sentence:
are the facilitators of development -- the ones who make history.
(I added a dash)

In a world that is constantly changing, and in America, the land where such precedents for change are set, the ability to think laterally would distinguish an individual from the rest.

:-)
OP blueberry6 2 / 4  
Oct 23, 2010   #4
Thankyou, will alter it!


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