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Assigned homework; My mark was awful! I felt like crying but I held myself.



AbidK00 1 / 2  
Jan 15, 2015   #1
The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores? Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so.

Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?


It was in a late evening. I tried my best to focus on the lecture but I could not, so I just jotted down everything on a piece of paper, hoping that I would remember some of them. The clock ticked remarkably slow as I sat, legs tightly crossed, squirming at my desk. But despite my uneasiness, I remained seated, begging time to move faster. Finally, after assigning us with a pile of homework, the lecturer walked out. I took out the test papers under my desk, staring at it. I wiped my eyes multiple times as I could not believe what I am seeing. The mark was awful! I felt like crying but I held myself. I put the paper in my bag and stepped through the doorway.

I did not realize I had already at the school hallway, where the students usually wait for the bus. I sulked through the dark, crowded hallway; feeling like everyone was mocking me. I found a space on a bench and sat, trying to relax. I was barely having a nap when it hit me. I looked around to make sure she was not there. This 'she' is not my nemesis or someone that will kill me and destroy my entire life. She was my girlfriend, or at least I thought so. We had some feuds lately, worsen my days. Being one of the best students in the batch, she kept getting perfect scores for almost every subject. Our relationship was okay at the beginning but as the time flows by, I started to feel the heat. I felt like she keeps disturbing me and not trying to understand my struggle. Once, she costed me a subject that I was supposed to do well and she made it felt like nothing. Since then, I lost my confidence in my study. My GPAs deteriorated each semester and I started feeling the pressure. I felt that every move I made was a gamble between success and failure. The fear of failure and disappointment far outweighed the possibility of triumph. The fourth semester was thorny. I knew if I do not pass the appointed CGPA, I cannot continue my studies further and worse, I might be stripped of my scholarship. I looked at my watch. The bus should already arrived. I waited patiently while keeping my eyes peeled for the bus.

Frustrated, I threw myself onto the bed. I started to regret myself for choosing this path. Near meltdown, I knew something needed to be done. Mustering up the little courage I had, I sought ways to break out of my shell. I took my phone and called my mother. She calmed and motivated me. "Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently". The words echoed in my head. She adviced me to pray more often and mingle with my friends a little more.

The next day, it felt like I was not feeling better. Disillusioned and wrung dry of ideas, I followed my mom's advice. I tried to forget about the marks and enjoyed my university life. I met my friends more often and studied together. Day by day, I started to bulk up. It felt like I was possesed by some sort of spirit. My sorrow dissapeared. I focused more in my class and had fun sometimes. I did pretty good the next semesters. I made researches about my career and I sensed hope. I looked at my friends and I knew they were also trying their best. "I won't lose!" I said to myself. I realized that study is not all about the grade and success. It mostly about how we use the knowledge to act in certain situations and make ourselves happy. I also now know that I am not the only student facing these obstacles, and I will strive until the end to inspire them.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 15, 2015   #2
Ok, I am a thoroughly confused by your essay. If the failure is the fact that you failed your tests, what did your girlfriend have to do with it? Were you in competition with her? How does the failure relate to the relationship? The essay you wrote sounds more like you are trying to finger point and lay blame upon others for your failure to function in school. This is a very weak essay because of the way that you wrote the earlier paragraphs. The best way to approach this essay is by taking the blame for your failure rather than finger pointing and blaming others. Show the admissions officer that you learned a lesson from this failure. Right now, the lesson is quite shallow and does not really resonate as well as it should with the reader. You need to emerge from this failure as a better person who learned something new about himself and applied those changes in order to create an improved version of yourself.
OP AbidK00 1 / 2  
Jan 15, 2015   #3
Ohh okay.. Thanks for the feed back.. :)
OP AbidK00 1 / 2  
Jan 15, 2015   #4
If the failure is the fact that you failed your tests, what did your girlfriend have to do with it? Were you in competition with her? How does the failure relate to the relationship? The essay you wrote sounds more like you are trying to finger point and lay blame upon others for your failure to function in school

i tried to show how much the conflict affected me and contributing to the failure.. in other words, i want people to know how disappointed i am at the time because of the "failure".. i guess it does not reach the reader.. :(


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