Prompt: The Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., President of the University of Notre Dame, said in his Inaugural Address that, "If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world?" In what way do you feel you are different from your peers, and how will this shape your contribution to the Notre Dame community?
"Babysitting has become a popular way for teenagers to earn some quick cash. However, I've known very few males who admit to babysitting. Why do I do it? I developed a passion for, not only interacting with, but understanding children. In a sense, I'm trying to respect my deceased brother. His death wasn't like many others: he wasn't diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, he didn't smoke or drink. He was run over at the age of 3. It happened so unexpectedly; we never had a chance to experience those touching 'final moments' and the last sound I heard from him was his tragic scream.
To people my age, they may seem bothersome and inferior, but I've come to value the children of today for their innocence and future potential. Through babysitting, I've learned a great deal on how to communicate with different ranges of people and interpret their feelings through their actions and tone. I believe that a community depends on the willingness of its inhabitants to cooperate with each other. I hope that my intimate sense of communicative skills will only result in benefiting Notre Dame's interactive community. With my brother's image clear in my mind, I'll address my upcoming obstacles face to face and work diligently to unify the community in every way possible. In a year's time, I hope to look back and see a reinforced connection between students and professors alike."
Not sure if it really correlates with the prompt or even if the structure has a coherent flow. All suggestions would be appreciated. :)
Solid essay overall. You might want to elaborate a bit on exactly how you intended to use your communication skills to benefit Notre Dame, though.
"I developed a passion for, not only interacting with, but understanding children." Eliminate the first comma.
