I really want to get admitted to temple any help would be really appreciate.
Topic: Please tell us more about yourself. Relate one or more experiences or circumstances that have contributed to your personal and/or academic development. If you have been out of school for a year or longer, please discuss your activities during that period of time.
A Bad Day to Remember.
I have many thoughts about past events that occurred in my life. These events changed the way I think and the way I behave. Although I didn't want to pass through these situations, they were very important in my life. They made me be who I am today.
When I was ten years old, I woke up really sick one morning and I didn't want to go to school. I asked my parents if I could stay home for the day until I felt better, but they said "No, you cannot lose classes just because you feel a little bad." My father is a really strict person that gets angry for anything and more when he has to say the same thing more than once. I didn't want my father to get mad at me, so I got up from my bed, put on my clothes and went to school without asking again. In the classroom, all I did was sit in my chair with my head down. I passed the entire first period of class trying to endure the pain, saying to myself "Don't let this pain interfere with your day, you can do this."
Afterwards, in the second period, my favorite teacher came into the classroom. It was really hard to do my work, because of the pain. My teacher looked at me a couple of times, trying to figure what was happening to me. When the period finished she asked me to step out so I could go with her to the doctor's room. "And she had to do this" I though. The doctor asked me how I was feeling, I responded "My head and my stomach are hurting." She gave me some medicine and told me that I had to go home and have some rest, but I said "No, my parents are in the house. I don't want them to get mad at me", but she said "No, let's call your parents. You have to go."
Unfortunately the doctor called my father. She put the phone on speaker, I heard my father saying a lot of things to the doctor even that I was faking it so I could stay home. There was one thing that made my mood change to anger really quick, as of when you find out someone ate the piece of cake you was saving in the fridge, that was the voice of my father saying "Ok I will send his mother to pick him up because she is raising him weak like a little baby". At that point I was very angry and humiliated by him. He made me look really bad in front of everybody in the office. I hated that my dad thought I was weak and hated myself for not been able to control the pain.
At first, I stood quiet and tranquil until my mother came to pick me up. When we were on the car I said to her "Did you hear what dad said to my doctor?" she said "Yes, I was at his side when he said it, but I just came to pick you up" that was another reason to be mad. My mother didn't said anything to my father about what he said. I was so angry that, like we say in my country, (Me cortaria sin botar ni una gota de sangre) I could cut myself and don't even drop a little bit of blood. When we got home my father just looked at me with his mad face, but he didn't say anything to me. I thought ten times to tell him everything I was thinking. How he made me feel. How embarrassed I was. I hated the fact that he thought I was "Weak like a little baby" but I was so nervous about what he would do that I just stayed quiet and went to sleep. Sometimes I still think what would had happened if I had said everything I was thinking to my father, but I guess I will never know.
This is an experience that I had that always makes me think about how to improve myself and try to manage my anger toward other because my father could not manage it with me. People can pass through a lot of bad experiences in their life. We may not want them to happen, but without them we would not be how we are or think how we think.
Hi Yunior, WELCOME to the Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at providing you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will hopefully strengthen your writing project as well as hone and develop your writing skills.
Having said that, I do agree that the essay is somehow long for the prompt and what is asked of you to write. What I mean is that, for an essay admission, you have to be very straight forward, you have to make sure that they are geared towards answering the prompt, now I don't mean that you didn't write what is asked of you, however, it will help if you can summarize every event that transpired and not to write it like you are writing a novel that needs to be very much elaborated.
Furthermore, this admission essay should have the much needed information such as your academic journey,academic development, experiences that honed you to become and be encouraged to be the person you are right now and taking this step to greater academic achievement. I hope the above remarks and insights are helpful to your revision.
