Please help edit! Feedback is great! My deadline is December 1st
When I heard my chorus teacher say my name, everyone clapped for me and smiled at me. I was voted the president of chorus. I knew from then on people would look at me differently. They would see me as a leader, as someone they could look up to, and someone who they could trust with questions to be answered, problems to be solved, and help to be given. In the time of being president, I am more helpful, my communication skills are improving, I am respectful and honest when it comes to issues that need to be resolved, and I am driven to make this chorus the best it can be. These characteristics I am learning as a leader will help me achieve my goal in life: to become a music teacher.
As chorus president, you have a lot on your plate that affects the group. You get to pick the songs, you help decide who gets into "Select Chorus", which is our auditioned chorus, you talk to the chorus teacher about problems with the group, and many other small tasks the chorus teacher may give to you. I learned how to balance everything I needed to do for chorus, my schoolwork, and my extra curricular activities. My presidency has taught me countless lessons on how to be a leader, which is essential for being a teacher.
I discovered that being a leader is not as easy as it seems. A lot of my friends are in chorus, and as much as you want to be liked by your peers, as a president your first responsibility is being a fair leader. I am learning to handle situations where I have to be a leader first and then a friend. In being a leader, I've had to put myself in situations that I never would have been in before I was president. I've learned to place myself out of my comfort zone to fulfill my responsibilities as president of chorus.
I hope to live my life where my students look up to me as a leader and a role model. I want to inspire my students to accomplish anything they want to do. My leadership in chorus has allowed me to see how much of an influence one leader can be to so many other people. Because of this experience of being a leader, I am confident that teaching is the direction that I want to pursue.
There's a lot of I and you in this essay, and helper verbs like I learned to balance, when you can just say I balanced or I am learning to handle instead of I handled.
I think this essay needs to be tightened up more by getting rid of the helper verbs, and putting a little example in the story. I feel like the "i learned to" statements got redundant, so try varying the sentence structure and wording.
You say you have to be president first and then friend and I want to know an example of one instance of that.
