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Basketball Common App Essay - leave comments or grammar edits



bella2489 2 / 3  
Nov 11, 2012   #1
Task: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Holding the ball in my hands, sweat rolling down my forehead, I stared confidently at the hoop, ready to shoot my second foul shot. My teammates are lined up yelling words of encouragement, "You can do it Espo!" As soon as I release my shot, the ball flies through the air. After what seems like forever, the ball sinks in the rim. I just helped my team beat our hardest competitor. In the midst of all the excitement, a thought ran through my mind: what would my life be like without basketball?

I never thought I would ever think of a time when playing basketball might come to an end in my life. As a junior, I had to try out for the Varsity Girls Basketball Team. After tryouts, the coach called me over to "talk." He explained to me that he didn't know if he wanted to take me on the team because he won't find any minutes for me to play in the game, and I would become unhappy. My heart dropped. It took a while before the thought finally hit me: my time playing basketball as a Wagner Falcon was about to be over. After speaking with my coach, he wanted me to go home, speak with my parents, and come back to him with my decision to play, even if it means never playing in a game.

As disappointed as I was, I knew one thing: I was not ready to give up and just quit playing basketball. After talking with my father, a former division-1 basketball player, I explained that my intentions were to continue playing basketball. After coming to the realization that my capabilities and skills were just as good as my teammates, I knew that I had a place on this team. I was willing to put all my effort into becoming the best player that I can be. I spent extra time in the gym and practiced for hours, working on my jump shots and dribbling.

I knew that my passion, drive, and dedication would prove my coach wrong, and they did. Even though I was competing with twelve other girls for only five positions on the court, I earned more playing time than anyone on my team expected me to play. At the Girls Varsity Basketball Awards Dinner, my coach gave an uplifting speech about the difficulties I faced. When he said that he was glad he took me on the team and that I was his best defensive player, I was so proud of myself.

As I reflect on the many years I have put into this game, I can't help but wonder where I would be without basketball. My love for the game of basketball has helped me to realize that when you truly love something, you can never give up. Basketball has helped me learn how to work as a team and compete when faced with obstacles. As a senior, I want to seize the opportunity to make my teammates proud and prove that all my hard work and dedication has paid off.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Nov 11, 2012   #2
Holding the ball in my hands, sweat pouring offrolling down my forehead into my eyes,

This essay is pretty good. The fluency of the essay, vocabulary and grammar are great. I do not know what the prompt asked you to writ about, but I think you should focus more on your experience in the new team. How could you prove your capabilities? Write more about obstacles and hard situations you had to encounter in the path of success. And I think you should highlight the lessons your leaned from the experience. I know you wrote about these lessons at the end of the essay, but one line is not enough to show how wonderful the experience was.

Hope this helps
Have fun
Ahmad
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Nov 11, 2012   #3
I just glanced over the essay. In my opinion it is a good work. It would be helpful, If other people take a look at your essay . And I found just a minor grammar error :)))

compete when faced with obstacles.


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